Getting Along
by greypilgrim127
Summary: Tony has the brilliant idea of inviting all his Avenger friends (with Loki and Bucky) to live at Stark Tower. All goes well until Bruce gives Tony a bad haircut, Tony sends the Avengers on bogus quests, Bruce hulks out...and much, much, more! No pairings or slash. Mild language.
1. Prologue

**So while I love all my fandoms, I'm being a bad mother and favoring Marvel right now. And I am also blatantly not following the comics. This is set after the events of the Winter Soldier but for some reason *SPOILER* Steve found Bucky again, SHIELD is still up and running, and Loki isn't fake-dead.****And they are all friends. OH and Coulson is alive and everyone knows.**

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own Bucky. **

**All the rest of the characters:…**

**Me: SORRY! I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO! I also don't own Marvel. **

Tony had an idea. It was a genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist-worthy idea. It was such an awesome idea that Tony didn't watch what he was doing and poured hot coffee on himself.

"Ow. IT BURNS!" the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist shouted, dancing up and down like a little child and shaking out the front of his shirt.

But even the scalding hot coffee could not dampen the excitement of his wonderful idea. What is the idea, you ask? Tony wanted the Avengers to live with him at Stark Tower! (trumpet fanfare!) And for better or for worse, he would make it happen.

"PEPPER!" Tony bawled, "I have this cool idea!"

"Ms. Potts is currently in the shower, sir." JARVIS said.

Steve, the ever punctual soldiers, was the first to arrive at Stark Tower. He did not think that all the Avengers living in a tower together was a good idea. As a matter of fact, he thought it was a very bad idea. But it was at a moment like this that he realized that Tony would stop at nothing to get them all together, and then his mothering tendencies came out and he knew that there had to be a responsible figure (besides Pepper) to make sure Tony and Clint didn't invent indoor firecrackers and convince Thor they were the edible type of crackers or something…..

Steve huffed a little nervously. He also had to make sure Tony was okay if he brought a friend who certainly couldn't be left behind.

"Are you sure they'll like me?" the Winter Soldier asked, his voice muffled by his mask.

"Sure they'll like you!" Steve said quickly, "Everyone likes you, Buck."

Bucky tried to stick out his lower lip, but found his mask got in the way. Bucky pouted nervously. Steve frowned as the elevator dinged and opened up in Stark's kitchen.

"Capsicle!" Tony shouted, "Who's that?"

"This is Bucky Barnes, my best friend. I hope you don't mind if he…um…stays?" Steve asked anxiously.

"No, it's cool!" Tony grabbed Bucky's metal arm, "Wow, this is advanced stuff. Think I could experiment on it?"

"Tony!" Steve squeaked in horror, while Bucky stared in utter surprise.

"Sorry, Cap. It's a cool arm, though."

"Please stop talking about it. He gets shy about his arm!" Steve hissed.

The elevator dinged again and Natasha and Clint walked into the kitchen.

"Tasha! Legolas!" Tony forgot about Steve immediately.

Natasha glared a little suspiciously at Bucky before greeting Tony. Clint glared a little suspiciously at Steve before greeting Tony. Steve awkwardly nodded at them. Bucky got distracted by a dust bunny.

There was a sudden flash of lighting outside the window, followed by an ominous boom.

"My FRIENDS! I am HERE!" Thor shouted. A few moments later he strode into the kitchen, dragging an extremely sulky Loki by one arm. "Man of IRON I have RECEIVED your message. I am DELIGHTED by your invitation and SO is LOKI."

"Absolutely pleased." Loki said dully.

Clint jumped about three feet in the air (in a very manly way) and aimed an arrow at Loki. "What—what the hell is he doing here?" he sputtered.

"Do not FEAR Eye of Hawk, for my brother is REFORMED."

"Good as gold." Loki said flatly.

The elevator dinged again and Bruce entered the kitchen and stared a little warily at Loki and the Winter Soldier.

"So…um…."

"BRUCIE!"Tony squealed, attacking his science bro in a very manly hug.

"Director Nick Fury is sending you a message, sir." JARVIS suddenly said, making Bucky fall flat on his back in fear.

The TV turned on to Fury's face, glaring at them with his good eye. "Stark, I do not want you all monkeying around that tower and messing up Manhattan, you hear?"

Tony gave the TV a thumbs-up.

"Once I hear you all start making trouble, I want you all out of Stark Tower."

"Yes sir." Steve said meekly.

"I got my EYE on you!" the TV turned off.

"So, let's see." Tony turned around, "Legolas is here, check! Point Break, Reindeer Games, Capsicle, Awesome-one-arm-guy, Tasha, and Brucie. Yay! Everyone is here! Now, how about movie night?"

"Let us watch that MOVIE about that FISH who is KIDNAPPED!" Thor boomed.

"No Thor." Loki said firmly. "We have watched Finding Nemo fifteen times in the past week."

"But it is a GOOD MOVIE." Thor sulked.

"We could watch Robin Hood." Clint suggested.

"We could watch the Bourne Legacy." Natasha said, "There's that guy in it who looks like Clint."

"I haven't seen Star Wars yet…" Steve spoke up.

Everyone (except Bucky) turned to the Captain with open mouths.

"You…you poor child!" Tony squeaked.

So they ended up watching Star Wars that night. Though everyone regretted it, because every five seconds Thor would interrupt with a "I do not UNDERSTAND the Force. My LIGHTNING is much BETTER!"


	2. Chapter 1 Bucky

The Winter Soldier was sneaking down the hall way. The Winter Soldier was an awesome assassin. The Winter Soldier was scared of the new building he had to live in, but the Winter Soldier was definitely not going to let anyone know!

Bucky stopped in front of a door. Aha! He knew how to open doors, right? Bucky was surprised when the door ripped off its hinges. Guiltily, he wedged the door back into its frame before sneaking down to the kitchen.

Bucky was hungry, but Bucky did not know how to get food. It was usually brought to him in tiny amounts when he was a slave to HYDRA. Bucky had seen the nosy man who liked his arm opening that strange iron door. Bucky decided to open the door. Bucky was surprised that it was just a cold box. Bucky did not like cold boxes. It reminded him of cryofreeze. Bucky quickly slammed the door shut and backed away.

At that moment Natasha walked into the kitchen. She had come to feel a bit sorry for the ever-terrified Bucky and forgave him for throwing her into a car. And for shooting her in the shoulder.

"Good morning." She said in her nicest voice, which sounded a little odd because the Black Widow was not generally nice to people in the mornings.

Bucky blinked.

"Want some milk?" she asked.

Bucky looked terrified.

"Sorry." Natasha held up her hands. She placed a few strawberries and some ice in the blender and turned it on. Bucky almost fell out of his chair. Natasha sighed. "I'll just go get Steve."

Yes that was a good idea. Bucky liked Steve. Steve was Bucky's friend. Bucky stared warily at the blender as Natasha left. It would not attack him, he decided.

Then he caught sight of a colorful box. It said Pop Tarts. What were Pop Tarts? Bucky cautiously opened the box try one. They were suspiciously pink. And had sprinkles. He nibbled the corner. The Pop Tart did not attack him, so he ate the rest of it.

There was suddenly a crash outside the kitchen. "Ahh!" Tony screamed. "What the-? Who broke the door?"

Bucky froze guiltily and then looked around imploringly for the voice, hoping it wouldn't say. JARVIS must have caught on, because he said: "Sir, it appears that your door was torn down by a large amount of force. I suggest speaking to Thor about it."

Bucky smiled happily at the voice. The voice was his friend. Tony strolled into the kitchen.

"Morning, Snowflakes." He said lazily to Bucky. "You're up early."

"Bucky, you have to say good morning back." Steve reprimanded as he entered the kitchen.

Bucky managed a tiny good morning. Tony decided not to push it.

"Soo…..Capsicle are you doing anything this morning?"

"Well, I've been up since six. I was out running." Steve replied.

"Cool…." Tony felt awkward trying to make small talk and left.

Steve made Bucky cereal (with orange juice instead of milk) and then left when he heard Bruce shouting at Clint for cawing in the air vents at two in the morning.

Loki and Thor walked into the kitchen, Loki still sulking about being brought to Stark Tower. Thor immediately saw the opened box of Pop Tarts on the counter.

"BROTHER!" he wailed, "Someone has eaten one of my Tarts of Pop!"

Bucky was scared. He had angered the Large Blonde Man. If the Large Blonde Man attacked, he didn't know if he was supposed to fight back. Bucky did not notice Loki staring intently at him.

"You ate it, Thor." Loki said smoothly after a moment.

"I DID?" Thor asked in astonishment.

"Yes, you did!" Loki said in exasperation, "You sleepwalked last night and ate one."

"Oh. I did not KNOW I SLEEPWALKED." Thor boomed and began eating the rest of the Pop Tarts.

"Thor!" Tony suddenly screamed, bursting into the kitchen. "You broke my door!"

"I—I DIDN'T DO IT!" Thor cried.

"Yeah you did, you clumsy idiot."

Bucky was scared again. Suppose the Large Blonde Man figured out it was him? He failed to notice Loki staring again.

"You did, Thor. When you sleepwalked last night." Loki said serenely.

Thor raced out of the kitchen with Tony hot in pursuit. Loki turned and winked slyly at Bucky before teleporting away as well. Bucky was happy. He had a new friend.


	3. Chapter 2 Midgardian Trash

"Hey, Point Break I have to show you something." Tony said one day, when the Avengers had been at Stark Tower for a few days.

Clint looked up in interest, knowing that Tony showing Thor something was always hilarious.

"What IS it, Man of Iron?" Thor boomed.

"It's something." Tony remained secretive.

"Well, I first must call my BROTHER. He must not miss this EXCITING THING. LOKI!"

Loki appeared on the couch, looking annoyed. "What is it, brother?"

"The Man of Iron wishes to show us something."

Bruce was sitting in a corner, reading the morning news but he sensed trouble and glanced at Natasha, who simply shrugged.

"Well, what is it?" Loki snapped irritably. "I am reading."

"What's that?" Steve asked.

"It's the Lord of the Rings. It's pretty good for one of the Midgardian novels you mewling quims dare to call literature."

"Oh, Steve, you too. You need to watch this too. Where's Snowflakes?"

Steve looked suspicious. "I'm gonna go find him. Bye!" He left in a hurry.

Tony shrugged. "So this thing is a singer called Justin Beiber. You will love it."

"HA!" Clint burst out laughing, spewing coffee all over the counter. Natasha glared at him and then got up.

"If you'll excuse me, Tony, I'm going to go…practice." She hastily fled the scene.

Tony pulled up a youtube video of "Baby" and began to play it.

After a few moments of stunned silence, Thor spoke up. "This Justin Beaver lady is VERY ugly."

Loki's face was a twisted contortion of disgust. "What is this? The sound is eating my mind!"

Clint was close to choking on his bagel.

"I'm pretty sure this is a boy." Loki said.

Thor was still confused. "Why does he CHASE the girl? She clearly does not LIKE him! She is TALLER than him!"

Clint fell out of his chair laughing. Banner looked up in distaste. "Could you please turn that off?"

"Are you sure that's a woman?" Loki asked.

"Positive." Tony's poker face was impressive. "Don't you love it?"

"No! It's horrible!" Loki snapped. "Make it stop!"

"It SQUEALS like a woman, so it must BE a woman!" Thor protested, "But it is chasing a girl! I do not UNDERSTAND!"

"Make it stop!" Loki snarled, as the chorus started again.

"I do not LIKE it!" Thor whined.

Bruce was close to hulking out, and Clint was turning blue from lack of oxygen. Tony finally lost it when Thor asked why the Justin Beaver lady was so much smaller than the other ladies.

Natasha cautiously poked her head through the door. "Is it over?"

"Friend Natasha!" Thor boomed, "Why is the Justin Beaver Lady so small?"

The corners of Natasha's lips twitched. "For starters, it's Justin Beiber. And it's a he."

"But-!"

"And he just is a small guy, okay? Sort of like Clint."

"Hey!" Clint protested.

"The Justin Beiber song will not go AWAY from my HEAD!" Thor cried in agony.

Loki had already teleported off in disgust and Bruce was hastily leaving the room.

"It'll take some time, big guy." Clint wheezed. "In the meantime, you can listen to this other woman, Alice Cooper…"

_Several Minutes later…_

"THIS WOMAN IS VERY UGLY TOO!"

* * *

**Hey everyone! Hope you're enjoying it so far! So this is one of the first fanfictions I've ever read, so reviews would be greatly appreciated! **


	4. Chapter 3 Thor Loki's Everyone

**This was inspired by my muse, Tumblr. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tumblr, neither do I own Marvel.**

* * *

"THOOOOORRRRR!" The angry cry ran throughout Stark Tower, rattling windows and doors. The sound was enough to make an army of brave men tremble.

Loki burst into Thor's room, quivering with rage. "Thor, were you in my bathroom?"

"No." Thor lied, hugging his stuffed goat close to his chest.

"Yes you were."

"I was NOT!" Thor protested.

"Really?" Loki said sarcastically. "Then why is Mjolnir on my toilet seat? GET IT OFF! I have to relieve myself!"

Thor's eyes bugged out of his head. "I am SORRY brother!"

"Why were you in my bathroom?"

"I was LOOKING for Tanny!"

"Who's Tanny?" Loki snapped.

Thor held up the goat and Loki rolled his eyes. "Get that hammer OFF of the toilet seat!"

A mischievous glint crept into Thor's eye. "Very well, brother. Since you are UNABLE to!"

"SHUT UP THOR!" Loki snarled.

Loki was able to use the restroom in a few minutes, but the incident had given Thor an idea.

"OH VOICE!" Thor boomed, looking expectantly at the ceiling. "I request one of those DEVICES which can capture TIME!"

"Do you mean a video camera or an iphone?" JARVIS asked, sounding as exasperated as a robot can.

"I do not KNOW of what you speak. Which one is the EASIEST to use?"

"The iphone is easier to use, Mr. Odinson."

"Then bring me this MARVELOUS phone of the eye!" Thor demanded, looking pleased.

In a few moments, Dummy wheeled down the hallway and dropped an iphone at Thor's feet.

"Thank you!" Thor beamed. "VOICE what is this one's name?"

"It's name is Dummy. I might add that my name is JARVIS and not voice."

"DUMMY?" Thor sounded aghast. "That is no name for such a WONDERFUL invention! I name you Modi!"

Dummy beeped appreciatively and rolled away. If JARVIS could sigh, he would have done so. Thor continued on his way to the kitchen, where Bruce was drinking tea and reading the newspaper.

"FRIEND BANNER!" Thor greeted loudly, attempting to start the camera. Dummy wheeled over behind him and did it.

"Thor." Banner murmured, still engrossed in the paper.

"Would you do me the favor of holding this for a moment?" Thor held out Mjonir.

Without looking, Banner held out his hand and Thor gave him the hammer.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Bruce shouted as he the hammer fell to the ground, pulling him with it. Tea splashed onto the counter.

Thor burst out laughing and Dummy followed with a few mirthful beeps.

"GET OUT!" Banner shouted, turning green around the ears.

* * *

"GREETINGS, Eye of Hawk!" Thor said happily, as he found Clint and Natasha in the gym. The Black Widow was shooting a few targets and Clint was climbing up a net ladder.

"Hey, big guy!" Clint panted.

"Friend Clint!" Thor shouted, "Catch this!" He lightly tossed the hammer up to Clint who—not noticing what it was—absentmindedly reached out for it.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Clint screamed as Mjolnir flew to the other side of the gym, with the unfortunate assassin clinging to the handle.

Natasha's lips twitched as she continued target practice.

* * *

"MAN of IRON!" Thor announced his arrival into Tony's lab.

"Security breach!" Tony began, "Oh, hey thunderface. Wanna help?"

"What invention are you creating THIS time?" Thor wondered.

"I'm trying to make a set of arrows that will fly back after Clint shoots them."

"I shall GLADLY aid you in this noble deed!"

"Great, you'll have to put on those goggles."

"Of course." Thor tapped the camera to record, "Just hold this, please."

Tony, not really looking at Thor, took the hammer.

"MOTHER OF MERCY!" He yelped as the hammer thumped to the floor.

Thor roared with laughter. "FRIEND TONY! You are not WORTHY of the HAMMER!"

Tony retaliated by grabbing a fire extinguisher and spraying Thor with it.

* * *

Later in the kitchen Thor re-watched the videos (it took some help from Dummy) and laughed over them. Now there was just the Patriotic Man and his timid friend.

He found Steve in another gym, boxing a punching bag.

"GREETINGS, captain!" Thor exclaimed happily.

Steve did not look up. "Afternoon, Thor."

"May I join you?" Thor asked.

Steve did look up this time. "Um…..sure. You're going to need to wrap your hands in cloth so you don't bruise your knuckles." He turned back to the punching bag.

"Of COURSE. Hold this."

Steve turned and took the hammer. "Hey, I always thought this thing was gonna be heavy!" He have it a twirl. "Pretty light, actually."

Thor stared.

"Thor?"

Dummy recorded Thor's stunned face on the iphone. The next day, a youtube video went viral. Fury called furiously from SHIELD headquarters.

"Thor! What is this?"

"What is what, Furious One?"

"This…this video! You are Unworthy? What is this? It's got fifty million views and climbing!"


	5. Chapter 4 Truth or Dare

"We are going to play….TRUTH OR DARE!" Tony announced, bursting into the kitchen and doing the jazz hands.

Natasha's eye twitched. "That's a girl's game."

"That is so ironic coming from the only girl here." Tony teased.

Everyone coughed awkwardly.

"BESIDES YOU, PEPPER! I LOVE YOU SWEETIE!" Tony bawled.

"So…" Steve said, "What's Truth or Dare?"

Clint choked. "Seriously? You don't know what it is?"

"Consider yourself lucky." Natasha sighed.

"What about you, Snowflakes?" Tony asked Bucky, who mutely shook his head.

Bruce was growing more and more uncomfortable. Truth or dare was not the type of game he felt like playing tonight. Or any night. Natasha was right. It was a little girl's game meant to be played at one of those squealy-what-were-they-called? Sleepovers.

"I also do not know what this Truth and Dare thing is." Thor added.

Loki looked up. "According to Wikipedia this game has existed for centuries, with at least one variant, Questions and Commands, being attested as early as 1712-"

"And guess what? No one cares!" Tony interrupted. "Truth or dare goes like this. Brucey! Truth or dare?"

Banner sighed and took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. "Truth, I guess."

Tony stood on one leg as he thought of a deliciously nosy question. "Have you ever kissed a giiiirrrllll?"

"Yes." Was the anti-climatic reply.

"Oh. Okay, Clint, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Okay, I dare you to…um….uh….eat a spoonful of mayonnaise!"

The archer paled clearly but walked resolutely to the fridge, unscrewed the mayo jar and dipped a spoon in. He hesitated for a moment, as Tony gleefully recorded it on his phone.

"Go on, Legolas! You said dare!"

Barton screwed his eyes shut and stuck the spoon in his mouth, eliciting a series of sympathetic groans from the others. He then gagged and threw up in the sink. The ever-motherly Steve hurried over to make sure he was alright.

"I do not believe I shall enjoy this sort of…contest." Loki sniffed.

"It's not a contest, it's a game." Tony said. "And yes, you will enjoy it."

"I don't really feel like it." Bruce began.

"Me neither." Natasha added.

"Aw come on, Tasha!" Clint whined, bouncing around like a puppy, "You know you do! You know you do!"

"Fine!" she snapped, sitting back down. "But I'm leaving once Tony starts getting drunk."

Thor looked a bit confused still, but obliged.

"I don't want to play!" Bucky squeaked, but no one heard him.

"Okay." Tony sat down, "Steve, you first. Pick someone in this room, anyone!"

"Um….Banner?"

Bruce gave him a what-did-I-do-to-make-you-hate-me-so-much look.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

Steve scratched his head. "What did you have for lunch?"

"Oh come ON Steve!" Clint groaned, "You are so boring!"

"I had potato salad." Bruce said, clearly relieved.

"Brucey's turn!" Tony clapped, clearly ecstatic that everyone was playing.

Bruce thought for a moment. "Tony, truth or dare?"

"Ooh! Ooh!" Tony wriggled in excitement. "I pick dare!"

"I dare you to shut up and stay silent until someone truth or dare's you!"

Tony's face of outrage set Thor and Clint off laughing and even Loki snickered a little. Steve was secretly relieved.

"Who's turn is it? Oh, it's Tony's turn, though." Natasha pointed out.

"HA! Suckers!" Tony shouted. "Okay, SNOWFLAKES! Truth or dare?"

Bucky silently contemplated and weighed the two evils. "Dare." He finally said.

"Okay…." Tony paused to think of something that wouldn't completely terrify the poor assassin (because Tony was really very kind at heart, even if Banner didn't think so). "Okay, I dare you to say "meep" every time someone says Steve, until the end of the game."

Bucky swallowed and blinked, which Tony assumed meant "okay". "And you need to pick someone to ask."

"Truth or dare, Steve?"

"Aw don't pick Steve-!" Clint began, but Natasha gave him a don't-push-it look.

"Truth." Steve said defensively.

"Were you in love with our second grade teacher?"

"Um….yes." Steve blushed as red as a tomato.

Tony and Clint burst into peals of raucous laughter, sounding a lot like magpies in a cornfield.

Bucky settled back in his chair, a satisfied look on his face, which clearly read "I made people laugh!"

"Natasha, truth or dare?" Steve asked.

"Um…dare."

"Touch your toes."

"STEVE!" Clint and Tony shouted together.

"Meep." Said Bucky.

Natasha rolled her eyes and lightly tapped each foot. "Loki, truth or dare?"

Loki wrinkled his nose in disgust. "As I said before I do not want to participate in such idiocy!"

"BUT BROTHER!" Thor protested, "You MUST! Do not be a—a—friend Tony, what is that word you called the captain yesterday?"

"A ball-less chicken?"

"Yes, thank you. BROTHER you, must not be a ball-less Chicken like friend STEVE!"

"Meep."

"Ugh, Thor, I am not a ball-less chicken! Fine! I will play this stupid game. I pick truth."

"Did you and Thor ever fight over Sif?"

"DO NOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION BROTHER!" Thor bellowed in panic.

"No, of course we didn't." Loki said smoothly.

"If y'all are caught lying then you have to eat mayonnaise!" Tony warned, clearly making the rule up on the spot.

"Fine, we did. ONCE."

"HA!" Clint cackled.

"But friend TONY you have broken your DARE! You spoke when it was not your TURN!"

"Oooohhhh!" Clint turned to Tony with an evil smirk. "Eat mayo, sucker."

"Okay we are done for tonight!" Tony quickly said, standing up. "Bed time for little children! Bye!" he turned and bolted out the door.

"JARVIS lock his bedroom and lab door." Natasha said.

"I'm afraid only Mr. Stark can authorize me to do that."

Natasha pointed her gun at the speaker on the wall. "Lock. The. Doors."

"Of course my protocols can be overwritten!" JARVIS sounded scared for a robot.

"Now." Natasha said, "He'll spend at least an hour trying to break through the door. Do you guys want to watch a movie or something?"

"Let us watch the DELIGHTFUL movie about the FISH—"

"No brother."

"We can watch the Titanic." Bruce suggested.

Natasha gave him a pained look but complied. They regretted it because Thor wouldn't stop saying for the rest of the night: "I do not UNDERSTAND! The board was big enough for BOTH!"


	6. Chapter 5 Bruce the Barber

Tony was very happy. Why, you ask? Partly because he had been awake for seventy two hours and Pepper still hadn't caught him. But mostly because he had invented a toaster gun.

Yes that's right. A gun that could fling scorching hot toast on an enemy up to a shocking (dun dun daaaaaaaaa!) ten feet away! But never mind the distance, Tony could fix that later.

The billionaire stood up and started firing toast at anything he could hit in his lab.

"Sir, Mr. Banner is requesting access to your lab." JARVIS informed him.

"Access granted." Tony shouted, as he hit Dummy, who beeped angrily.

"Tony, what in the world?"

"EAT TOAST!" Tony shouted, firing at Banner.

"Hey! Ow!" Bruce quickly dropped the slice of bread. "That's hot!"

"Exactly! Sort of like me, am I right? Yeah, I'm right. I'm always right. Anyway, I gotta just fix this distance problem. Hold on a second…"

Bruce sat down on a nearby stool to observe Tony poking at the gun like a crazed scientist.

"Okay, if I can just double the springs here, and maybe add some pressure it will at least triple the dist-!"

The scientist was interrupted (rudely) by a deafening explosion. The lab shook and Dummy tipped over. Bruce hacked on the black smoke which went billowing into the air.

"What happened?!"

"It may have….I may have…..the gun might have…..malfunctioned." Tony wheezed.

"You think?" The doctor snapped. Then he burst out laughing.

"What?" Tony asked.

"You…you're hair! You're beard!" Bruce quickly grabbed his phone and snapped a few pictures of the billionaire's hair (which was standing up on end and smoking) and his prize goatee (half of which had been scorched off).

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR?" Tony screamed.

Still laughing, Bruce grabbed a hand mirror (which OF COURSE Tony had in his lab) and held it up.

"MOTHER OF MERCY OH MY GOSH I AM GOING TO DIE!" Tony shrieked girlishly. "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"

"Calm down, buddy." Banner said, "I know how to cut hair." (That was a blatant lie, but he wanted to get back at Tony for making him play truth or dare.)

"Oh, okay." Tony breathed, "That's good. Can you fix my hair before anyone else notices? Especially Pepper?"

"Sure thing!" Bruce forced Tony into a chair and filled a cup of water. "First I'll just…..there we go!" he smiled in satisfaction as he emptied the cup over Tony's head.

"What the hell, Banner!" Tony sputtered.

"It's a….traditional Indian pre-ceremony!" Banner fibbed, "It's used for hair that is especially damaged."

"Oh okay."

"Say, do you have a razor or something?"

"Yeah, there's one in the cabinet over there."

Banner retrieved it and then contemplated his evil actions. "Okay, just relax and close your eyes." He said soothingly patting Tony's cheek.

Tony settled down in the chair and felt the tickling sensation of the razor nibbling over his head. It was a little close for his liking.

"Hey! Watch it!" he warned.

"Don't worry, I got this!" Bruce said. "Okay I'm done with the hair. Let me fix your beard."

"That was fast. BE CAREFUL with my baby!"

"Yeah, yeah, sure!" Bruce carefully started salvaging what was left of Tony's goatee. "Oh…."

"OH? OH?" Tony yelped, "WHAT DOES OH MEAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

Tony snatched up the mirror. Half of his head was completely bald. On the other side of his face, his goatee was had entirely vanished.

"oh my god!" Tony squeaked, coloring varying degrees of purple and red.

Bruce ran.

* * *

"GET YOUR CAMERAS EVERYONE!" Bruce shrieked as he raced into the kitchen.

Steve and Bucky jumped in unison as the doctor burst into the kitchen. Clint fell out of the air vent he was snoozing in. Natasha continued to drink her coffee and Loki teleported in with Thor.

"Guys, guys. I just gave Tony the worst hair cut ever and—"

"You did what? Wait, how did he even let you?" Clint asked groggily.

"Um…I lied and said I knew how to cut hair. Anyway, he's going to come up here in a second to kill me and this is the golden opportunity to take pictures!"

"Aren't you worried about the 'kill me' part?" Steve asked, frowning in his motherly way.

"That's why I'm here with you guys!" Bruce clapped.

"BAANNNNNEEERRRR!" they all heard the angry roar from several floors away.

In a few minutes, Stark burst into the kitchen. "WHERE IS BRUCE?"

"FRIEND TONY!" Thor boomed, "You look STRANGE!"

Tony turned beet red as he whirled on Thor. "You THINK?"

Thor merely snapped a picture. Loki popped up beside him. "This new look suits you, I think." He joined Thor in taking pictures.

Tony turned around in a rage, only to find the rest of the Avengers (and Bucky) rolling on the ground laughing, while Natasha videotaped.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" Tony screeched.

"I love it!" Clint cackled, "We should call you Half-bald man!"

"You look like a chess tile." Natasha observed.

Steve looked utterly torn between laughing and reprimanding everyone for their childish behavior. Bucky started giggling, though, so he joined in.

Seeing his rage would elicit nothing but laughter, Tony fumed and retreated down to his lab to plot his revenge.

"Okay, I got some really good pictures." Bruce wheezed.

"I DO TOO!" Thor shouted.

"There is no need to shout, you great oaf." Loki said coldly. "I have a few as well."

"Good. Natasha, do you think you could hack into his facebook and post these?"

"No, I have a better idea." She quickly pulled up Tony's email on a computer and sent out a mass email to all SHIELD agents and Director Fury with the pictures. "We could post the video on youtube, I guess." She shrugged.

* * *

The next day, Thor sulked. "Bald, fuming, billionaire" had gotten more hits than "You are not Worthy"

**Thus begins the war! Anyway, I hope you all have been enjoying so far! Please review to let me know how I can do better. And any suggestions and/or ideas you have!**

**~Grey**


	7. Chapter 6 So It Begins

Tony was angry. Tony was furious. Tony was outraged. Tony's dignity had been stepped upon. And dammit, when Tony's dignity was stepped upon, Tony was going to have his revenge! But what revenge would be could enough to avenge not only the poor shattered pieces of his pride, but also his precious hair?

He went to a private barbershop and had then fix the remains of his beard and shave his head completely bald. He also bought a really expensive baseball cap, and then holed up in his lab, plotting vengeance.

The normal "attack with paintballs" idea was just not good enough. Neither was the "douse everyone with cold water in the morning" or the "tape pictures of Lady Gaga above their beds" plans. No, Tony was going to go for full-out humiliation! Ground-breaking mortification! Like the type he just experienced when Agent Coulson emailed him saying: "I'm not sure about your new hair cut. It looks like modern art, I guess."

The type of embarrassment Steve Rogers would experience at a strip club! Wait….that wasn't a bad idea. Yes, the plan was beginning to come together.

"JARVIS, hack me into SHIELD's system." Tony said, rubbing his hands together, as he booted up several computers.

"Sir, I'm afraid I don't have the authority to access—"

"Dammit JARVIS do it now! Or I'll change your name to JAREUS: just a rather extremely unintelligent system!"

"Very well sir." JARVIS said with a robotic sigh.

Tony rubbed his hands together gleefully. Oh, they were going to wish they had NEVER messed with the world's greatest genius. They could manage to humiliate his hair, but they could be damn well sure he'd AVENGE it!

Oh, that was a good one. He'd better write it down to save for later.

"Okay….who first? Banner first. He's going to wish he never touched my hair!" Tony began to type out a mission "from Director Fury". This was going to be good. VERY good.

"Hey everyone!" Steve shouted, "Did anyone else get a mission from Director Fury?"

"I did." Clint said. "Weird. Let's see…..WHAT THE HELL?"

Upon seeing Clint's shocked reaction, Steve nervously opened his email. And promptly fainted.

"What?" Clint demanded. "WHAT?"

Bucky leaned over to look at the email. "It says that there might be a suicide bomber hiding at a strip club and Steve has to go undercover as a…male stripper? What's a male stripper?" He had gradually become more comfortable with talking to the rest of the team mates, though he was still as shy as heck.

"HAHA!" Clint roared with laughter. "Um….Natasha will tell you what that is."

"I'm going to tell who what?" Natasha asked, walking into the kitchen.

"What's a male stripper?" Bucky asked.

Natasha halted and looked suspiciously from Bucky to Clint and then back at Bucky. "Bruce will explain to you." She said. "But why do you care?"

"Steve got an email saying he has to go undercover as a male stripper…?"

Natasha grabbed Steve's computer (which he still didn't really know how to use) and read through the mission statement quickly. The corners of her lips twitched but she didn't laugh.

"Clint, you're on a mission too?"

"Yeah. I…uh….have to go to a little kid's beauty pageant."

"That's not too bad. You could just be an observer, right?"

"No, I'm the announcer. The female announcer."

Bucky giggled. Natasha sighed and opened her own email. "Looks like we're on the same mission, James."

Bucky stopped giggling and his eyes grew round. "We're um….._dammit Fury_" she said under her breath. "We're dressing up as the princess and the frog for a birthday party. Apparently one of the parents used to work for HYDRA."

"Fury wants me to go on a mission?" Bucky squeaked.

"Yeah, sorry about that….wait…are you _happy _about this? Geez!" She shook her head. "Oh, I got another email from Fury with Loki and Thor's missions. Loki has to work as Ronald McDonald for another Birthday party and Thor's going to a…ha….a beginner's ballet class."

Clint tried to picture Thor in a tutu and tights and fell out of the air vent laughing. At that moment, Bruce walked into the kitchen with a white face.

"What's your mission?" Natasha demanded.

"I…I have to go undercover as a drag queen to a beauty salon." Banner muttered, holding out a file. Natasha snatched it up and began to read.

"Well this is…..detailed." she finally said.

Banner fainted alongside Steve.

Loki furiously stormed into McDonalds. Curse Fury. Curse the All-father. Couldn't he just serve his sentence in prison instead of doing GOOD stuff here on Midgard?

Now apparently he had to go find and deal with a CENTIPEDE soldier. WHILE HE WAS DRESSED AS A CLOWN! FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Stupid Midgardian revelry.

"Oh, I see you're here for the party! You're the clown right? Excellent, this way. Sasha will help you with your costume."

Loki sulked as he got into a pair of ridiculously yellow overalls. He sulked some more as 'Sasha' pulled a red wig over his head and smeared disgusting white stuff on his fabulous face. He started to protest when she stuck a big red ball on his nose but she glared dangerously. She reminded him of Natasha.

"Now remember, you have to be _happy. _Ronald Mcdonald is always _happy!_"

She shoved Loki into the playground, where he was immediately surrounded by screaming children.

"HI KIDS!" he said in his best clown voice. "Who wants a balloooOOOoooOOOn?"

The children tackled him to the ground immediately.

"AAAHHHH! Get off me mewling quims! I MEAN! Delightful children!"

Clint felt ridiculous. More than ridiculous. He felt humiliated, mortified, violated. He felt like Steve at a strip club. He absentmindedly wondered how the poor captain was as he adjusted his pink wig.

Darn. These high heels were tight. Not as tight as these…what were they called? Fish net tights? Yeah. Though honestly, his legs looked _sexy. _Almost as sexy as his fake boobs.

WAIT WHAT WAS HE SAYING? Oh who cares? He looked fabulous. Unfortunately, like a fabulous woman. He pranced out onto a stage, nearly tripping in his heels.

"Welcome!" he squeaked in a falsetto voice, "To the fifteenth annual Miss Manhattan beauty pageant! I'm you're host...um….PARIS HILTON. Yeah, it doesn't look like me, but it's me! You're first contestant is Tyra Manson! Everyone please clap and stuff! Geez this is stupid. I MEAN fabulous!"

Steve may have been hyperventilating just a little bit. He was sitting tensely in a chair while a stripper pulled a purple wig on his head and another did his makeup.

"First time, honey?" she asked.

"Yeah." Steve croaked.

"It's okay. We're all a little nervous our first time. You know how to dance, right?"

Steve brightened a little. "I can dance a little bit!"

"Exotic dancing, I mean."

Steve blushed as red as a fire truck. "Um…..no not that type."

"Aw poor honey! Well you have a few minutes before you're on. I can teach you. Your boyfriend will love it!"

"Boyfriend?! Wait! I…I'm not…I mean….I don't…."

"Oh, whoops! Wasn't trying to embarrass you. Sorry, I didn't know you were still in the closet!"

"No, no, you don't understand!"

"It's okay. I'll keep it a secret. Now pole dancing is mostly easy. Just look as seductive as possible."

The stripper began dancing around the pole while Steve grew redder and redder.

"There! Now you try!"

"I—I-!"

"Oh come one, it's not that hard! And it's also a great workout for your hips!"

Natasha had to admit. Bucky looked pretty dashing in a prince costume. Until they put a giant frog head on him, that is. She was suffocating in a way-too-tight green dress with an inappropriately low neck line (seriously, what was wrong with kids these days?) but the heels were pretty cute. They looked like they could kill someone if she kicked hard enough.

Bucky blundered out of the dressing room and walked into a wall. "I can't see!" he wailed.

"The frog's mouth should be open enough." Natasha said.

"There's a mouth?" Bucky panted.

Natasha turned the frog head around the correct way.

"Oh…that's better."

"Okay good. We're on in five. All you have to do is follow the story teller's instructions. If he says 'The frog prince jumped up and down!' then you have to jump up and down. And we're only doing the ending of the story. And also, keep an eye out for a mom with a green pixie cut. Got it?"

Bucky have her a pathetic thumbs up and followed her out onto a small platform. There was not green pixie-cut mom, as far as Natasha could see.

"It was the third day when the princess finally realized she loved the frog!" a man in a green coat said. He was sitting on a stool at the edge of the stage and looking pityingly at Natasha and Bucky.

"I love you." Natasha said flatly.

"And then the frog transformed into a handsome prince!"

Bucky looked helplessly at Natasha.

"Which means he didn't have a frog head anymore!" the storyteller prompted.

Bucky quickly pulled off the stuffed head. His hair stood up on end and the children shrieked with laughter.

"And then they kissed." The storyteller said.

Bucky fainted.

"What is ballet?" Thor wondered to himself as he entered the dance studio.

His heart nearly stopped when he was crowded by a sea of little girls in fluffy pink tutus and leotards.

"Um…can I help you?" a teenage girl asked, eyeing Thor's huge biceps.

"Mission! Remember thy mission!" Thor thought to himself. "There is an evil villain who seeketh to kidnap the president's daughter!"

"Yes! I am HERE for my BALLET lessons!" he said.

"Oh…..okay." the girl said. "Which class?"

"The CLASS that is for BEGINNERS!"

"Beginning ballet is right through that door."

"Dost thou have any of that pink APPAREL for me to BORROW?"

"You mean the tights?"

"I do not KNOW what they are CALLED."

"Yeah, we have some XXL tights to spare, I guess."

The girl handed Thor a pair of tights and a white shirt.

"Don't I get one of THOSE?" Thor pouted, pointing to the pink tutu.

"Um…those are for girls."

"OF COURSE. I KNEW that!"

He hurried away to change. The dance instructor stared at Thor when he walked into the room and the little girls and squeamishly eyed him.

"You must be….um Tom Olderson." The instructor said, eyeing her attendance sheet.

"Ah…..YES that is ME." Thor boomed.

"Okay then. Please find a place at the barre. Arms over your heads, ladies! And one, two, three, tendu! Point your toes, Tom! Now can you please all twirl. Keep your arms curved, Tom! Now pas de chat! Tom, I don't think you've quite got the hang of this."

Bruce was breathing heavily as he entered a salon. He had _very _detailed instructions. The HYDRA operative he was supposed to be following was apparently also a drag queen. Which was weird.

"Bruce Banner?" A lady asked. "You're here for your waxing appointment?"

"Yeah!" Banner squeaked.

"Right this way please. Take a seat here." The lady patted a chair. "Now you're just getting your legs waxed?"

"Um…yes?" Banner trembled.

"Okay. Good thing you wore shorts. Now we're first gonna apply the melted wax to your legs. It's a little hot."

It was _very _hot.

"You are a man, Bruce. A strong man!" Banner said to himself. "You are very strong and you will not hulk out."

"And now we're going to just put this tape here, and _pull!_"

"OW WOMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" Bruce screamed in a high-pitched voice, making everyone in the salon stare at him.

"Sorry! It's going to hurt a little. But the uh…price of beauty…comes with pain?"

"MOTHER OF MERCY!" Bruce yelped as more hair was ripped out of his legs. "JESUS I AM SORRY I SINNED!"

His legs were tingling and red by the time it was all over. He had gone a little green around the ears, but had overall managed not to hulk out.

"Now Clara is going to do your nails and Chelsea will do your makeup."

Banner sighed and settled down, completely forgetting to look for the HYDRA operative.

"Oh my gosh! These cuticles are horrible!"

Later that night, the Avengers were gathered in the kitchen. Loki's eye was twitching spasmodically and he had some remnants of white paint on his face. He also had a black eye. Clint was staring at the floor in shame and kept clearing his throat. Steve was looking at the wall straight in front of him, still as red as hot sauce. He didn't respond when anyone spoke to him. Clint figured he might be in a coma. Bucky wouldn't look at Natasha, and Natasha was furious that there was no HYDRA member to be found. (And also furious that she couldn't keep the green shoes). Thor's hair was in two buns on the top of his head and he was also staring sadly at the floor, drowning in shame. Bruce was wearing long pants and gloves and a hat. His face didn't have makeup, but Tony noticed a false eyelash.

"So….what was your mission, Tony?" Natasha finally asked.

"Me? Oh…um…you know. I was….um…..at Chucky Cheeses. I was a mouse...um…you know?"

Natasha's eyes narrowed. "Tony."

"Um. YES PEPPER? I HAVE TO GO?" Tony sprang out of his chair.

Natasha jumped to her feet. "JARVIS lock the door or I will disable your motherboard!"

The door slammed shut and locked. Everyone was on their feet by now (even Steve) and edging closer and closer to Tony.

"Tony, did you set up these missions for us?" Natasha's voice was deadly low.

"NO!" Tony squeaked. He tried to squeeze through them but Steve blocked him.

"TONY!" Everyone shouted.

"Okay! Okay! You win! Yes, I did!"

"Why?" Steve asked, looking like a kicked puppy, "What did we ever do to you?"

"Um, I don't know? Sent a picture of the bad haircut Bruce gave me out to ALL of SHIELD?"

"Yes but it was not I who inflicted the hair cut, or sent the email!" Loki snarled.

"Yeah, well you were taking pictures!"

"I didn't do anything!" Bucky protested.

"You….you laughed!"

"I wasted a whole afternoon, Stark!" Natasha snapped. "And I also had to give CPR to a passed out frog!"

"I was scared!" Bucky whined.

"I had my legs WAXED!" Bruce shouted.

"I was not allowed to wear a tutu!" Thor complained.

"I was attacked by small children!" Loki screamed.

"I had to pretend to be Paris Hilton!" Clint yelled.

"I HAD TO POLE DANCE!" Steve shrieked the most loudly of all.

"Okay, okay!" Tony held up his hands. "Maybe the pole dancing was a little too much."

"A little too much?!" Steve said incredulously, "That's all you have to say?"

"A lot too much?" Tony said with a hopeful look.

"Is this too much?" Steve asked. "JARVIS, please send a report to Ms. Potts on how long Tony has been holing up in his lab. Also let her know he hacked the SHIELD system again!"

"Would you also like me to send a report on how long he's been awake, Captain Rogers?" JARVIS asked.

Tony's mouth popped open.

"Sure." Steve replied.

"But!" Tony started.

"Hold thy tongue!" Thor bellowed, "You sent me to learn the dance of your people and they would not let me wear a tutu!"

"Tutus are for girls…though….Thor…"

"I CARE NOT!"

"Okay, Stark." Banner said. "We're giving you fifteen seconds to run. JARVIS, unlock the door."

Loki looked like he would rather throw Tony out the window, but complied, and the genius was off like a shot.

As soon as he left, the others began to laugh one by one.

"Geez, we really scared him." Clint wheezed, "But I still need a revenge. Guys, huddle!"

* * *

**So begins the prank war! Anyway, I suck at thinking of pranks any ideas would be helpful! Thanks for reviewing, and I promise the Hulk will show up soon!**

**~Grey**


	8. Chapter 7 High Council

Chapter 7 High Council

Bucky felt torn. Which was not an uncommon feeling since the whole meeting-again-with-Steve incident. But this time, at least, there were no lives at stake. He hadn't really minded Stark's prank. As a matter of fact, he was just happy he got to go on a mission. Even if it was with the scary lady. And even if he passed out.

But Bucky decided that the nosy man had a reason (since Bucky knew what it was like to care deeply about one's hair) so he decided to stay out of the quest for vengeance.

He also had learned about this thing called _pranking._ Bucky had not gotten to have fun for a long time. Now he was going to prank Steve. He decided to enlist the help of the Thor, since the Norse god was not particularly interested in wreaking vengeance upon Stark, ever since he had found sixty pop tart boxes in his room all labeled with "TO THOR FROM TONY WITH MUCH LOVE I HOPE YOU GET YOUR TUTU ONE DAY". However, he was still a bit shy to ask for help.

Clint, Loki, Steve, and Bruce were still hell bent on vengeance and had coerced Natasha into aiding them.

"The things is," Clint began, "There's not one prank that is good enough to get back at him."

"We could put a manikin in his bed!" Bruce suggested.

Natasha scribbled it down. "Though that only scares you for about three seconds."

"We could drug him, put him in a trash can, and roll him down a hill." Steve suggested.

Everyone stared. "While that is not a bad idea…..I can't believe you could think of something like that."

"What is that potent drug you mortals use to make each other's voices high pitched?" Loki asked.

"What? Helium?" Bruce said. "Hey! We could somehow make Tony inhale a bunch of helium before his conference."

"Noted." Natasha added it to the list.

"We could put clipped hair in his bed." Clint said.

"That's just evil!" Steve said, clearly liking the plan.

"We could spoil Doctor Who!"

"Who are you? The devil?" Bruce gasped.

"We could find a cardboard cut out of Pepper and place it by his bed." Natasha suggested.

"We could put powder in his clothes that'll give him a really bad rash."

"We could hide all his clothes!"

"And replace them with iron man cosplay! For girls!"

"We might enchant his drapes so that they move by themselves at night."

"We could attack him with paintballs in the morning."

"Okay, okay. One step at a time." Clint said, "First of all let's find out if Tony has anything important coming up."

Natasha quickly checked her phone. "Conference tomorrow at nine in the morning."

"Let us scent his bath with some foul smelling odor so that he will repulse everyone."

"Good thinking Loki. I'll stick a chicken bouillon in the shower head." Natasha offered.

"I like the rash idea." Bruce said. "He'll be scratching himself throughout the entire conference. It'll drive everyone nuts!"

"Okay, I'll powder his clothes." Hawkeye said. "And I like Loki's helium idea. But how to get him to inhale that stuff?"

"Could we not put it in that foul liquid he drinks in the morning?"

"What? Coffee? That's not foul liquid!" Natasha exclaimed, "And helium is a gas. You can't put it in coffee."

"I could put a small capsule in his helicopter that just emits the stuff." Bruce said.

"And I'll replace his toilet paper with duct tape!" Steve cried.

Everyone stared again. "That's a little too obvious."

"Well….I'll just switch the sugar and the salt, then." Steve muttered.

"Oh, I got a good one." Natasha suddenly said, "I'll replace his hair gel with clear jello. I'll have to flavor it something really gross, though. Like durian."

"I like durians!" Bruce protested.

"It smells gross!" Clint snapped. "But good plan guys. Steve…why don't you just stick to your sugar and salt plan? Natasha, you take care of the shower head, I'll fix his clothes. And Banner, since you like the smell of durians so much, why don't you make the jello? Just don't forget to put the helium capsule in his helicopter."

"JARVIS, where's Tony?" Natasha asked.

"Mr. Stark is currently hiding in his lab. Ms. Potts read the report I sent her five minutes ago."

Bucky hesitated in front of Thor's door. He was too shy to bring himself to knock, but now that he was actually in front of the door, he couldn't just walk away!

Wait, yeah he could! Bucky lost his nerve, ran to the gym and started boxing a punching bag. An hour later, he stood in front of Thor's door again. This time he knocked before he could scare himself away.

Thor opened the door, munching a pop tart. "Greetings, my one armed COMPANION! How may I assist you? Wouldst thou like a POP TART?"

Bucky blinked a few times a swallowed. "Actually," he tried not to squeak, "I was wondering if you wanted to help me prank Steve."

Thor frowned. "But why wouldst thou want to prank thy FRIEND? Hast the good captain OFFENDED you?"

"No, it's just for fun. Like, don't you think it'd be funny if someone dyed Loki's hair pink?"

Thor thought for a few moments. "I agree it would be very mirthful." He said slowly. "How shall I help thee jest with the captain?"

Bucky shrugged. "I don't know. I can't think of anything."

Thor beamed at him. "Then we must take council together! Let us eat POP TARTS as we conspire against thy friend!" Thor was clearly overjoyed to find someone to share his pop tarts with.

"JARVIS is it safe for me to go to my bedroom?" Tony whispered as he poked his head into the hallway.

"You have a five minute window to get from your lab to your bedroom, Mr. Stark." JARVIS replied.

"That's enough." Tony sprinted out of his lab into the closest elevator and zipped into his bedroom. "Whew!" he breathed. "Big conference tomorrow. Better get some sleep!

The billionaire soon fell into an uneasy sleep where he dreamed that the other Avengers had put him into a giant lemon pie and made him swim in it. He awoke in a cold sweat.

"It is seven thirty sir. I would suggest getting up now if you want to be on time for your conference."

"Shoot! Oh yeah!" Tony hurried into the shower, not noticing that someone had wedged a chicken bouillon into the shower head. As he was done, he got dressed and styled his hair. His hair gel seemed a little stickier and smellier than usual. Oh well. He was sure it was nothing.

He skipped happily into the kitchen, having already forgotten about the prank mission incident and started making himself coffee. He was a little surprised to see Thor and Bucky giggling in the corner.

"Morning!" he said cheerfully.

"Good MORNING man of IRON!" Thor boomed, before turning back to Bucky.

Steve soon entered the kitchen. "Good morning, Stark." He said a little frostily.

"Sleep well, cap?" Tony asked, not noticing.

"Like a baby. In jello."

"Jello?

"Yeah, jello."

"FRIEND TONY!"' Thor suddenly said, "DOST thou smell CHICKEN?"

"Chicken? I don't smell anything." Tony said.

"Yeah chicken? Why would you smell chicken? That's ridiculous. I don't smell chicken. Pffftttt. Chicken? Don't be silly, Thor." Steve said in a hurry.

Bucky gave him a weird look. Tony just shrugged and mixed his sugar into his coffee. "Well, I have to go to a conference. You children be good."

He took a large gulp and promptly spat it into the sink. "Blech! What the hell? WHO REPLACED THE SUGAR WITH SALT?"

Steve doubled over in a fit of laughter. "Payback!" he chuckled.

Tony rolled his eyes, slightly relieved that Steve had gotten his revenge. Or so he thought. Anyway, he left in relative peace and got onto his helicopter, though he noticed his armpits kept itching.

"JARVIS, stream us the conference." Clint said, settling onto the couch with a bowl of popcorn.

The TV turned on as Stark walked into the conference room, followed by a bunch of paparazzi. He made his signature 'peace' sign before taking the podium. He was scratching his arm furiously.

"FRIENDS!" he said shrilly.

There was an awkward silence and then a ripple of laughter throughout the room. Tony coughed and cleared his throat.

"We're here to talk about-!" Tony stopped, frowning quizzically.

Some of the people in the room were beginning to turn red from suppressed laughter. Meanwhile, in Stark tower, Clint and Loki were lying on the floor laughing. Natasha was chuckling on the couch, while Steve grinned broadly in satisfaction. Bruce was choking on his water.

Only Bucky and Thor were staring at the screen with confused expressions.

"Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark! Could you explain your new cologne? It smells like chicken!"

"Mr. Stark! What happened to your voice?"

"Mr. Stark? Why are you scratching?"

"Mr. Stark, what is that smell? Your hair smells really bad!"

"Damn you, Banner!" Tony squeaked, like a high chipmunk, scratching himself in all sorts of awkward places.

"Oh revenge is sweet!" Clint sighed.

"We better watch our backs." Natasha said. "Things are about to get nasty."

* * *

**Thank you all so much for you amazing reviews! So encouraging. :) I'm going to start using all the lovely ideas y'all gave me. However, I will be gone for two days, so there might not be an update in a while. **

**~Grey**


	9. Chapter 8 Hulk and a Cake

**Okay I'm back! Thank you so much to gammawidow67 and darkblade1163 for giving me the hilarious ideas in this chapter. You guys are the best!**

**Disclaimer that I might as well randomly throw in: I do not own Marvel**

* * *

"Sir, Director Fury is sending in a message. His heart rate is above normal and blood pressure is questionable."

"Just tell me he's mad, JARVIS." Tony said, shuddering as he hurried to the kitchen.

The rest of the crew was already there, nervously squirming under the TV, where Fury glared at them. Tony had the sudden thought that Fury was Sauron, with his one evil eye.

"Stark. WHAT is going on?" Fury demanded.

"It's Clint's fault!" Tony squeaked.

"What?" Clint yelped.

"First I get an email with the ugliest haircut I've _ever _seen, then I see the rest of y'all make fools of yourselves. Clint, you were broadcast on live TV declaring that you were Paris Hilton. Steve, someone got a picture of you…well….moving on. Banner! I was filed a report of an extremely unruly drag queen who looked like you! There were also rumors about a psychopathic Ronald Mcdonald at large, a mad giant in leggings, and Romanoff, someone posted a video of you giving CPR to Barnes, who was dressed as a frog and unconscious. And lastly, Tony, what was that stunt you pulled at the conference yesterday? I could almost smell the chicken from my office!"

There was a short moment of stunned silence.

"It's Bruce's fault!" Tony shrieked.

"Tony started everything!"

"Loki came up with the helium idea!"

"You had humiliated my dignity by forcing me into that hideous costume!"

"They were laughing at me!"

"He made us play truth or dare!"

"And gave me a really bad haircut!"

"I had no tutu!"

"And then I fainted!"

Fury glared icily at the squabbling Avengers. Only Natasha and Bucky were silent, one fuming silently, the under trembling under the evil eye of the director.

"Shut the hell up!" Fury roared. "Romanoff, explain the situation."

"Banner gave Stark a really bad haircut and as a joke, we sent out emails with pictures. Stark then hacked the SHIELD system and gave us bogus missions. In retaliation, we put a capsule of helium in his helicopter and put itching powder in his clothes."

"And made me smell like chicken and durian." Tony added.

Fury frowned at Tony who shut up. "Listen. You all are behaving like c_hildren._ Pull your act together or you are all leaving Stark Tower!"

"I would happily oblige—" Loki began.

"Shut up, Loki!" Fury snarled. "And I don't want to see any more of that….ridiculous behavior from any of you! Romanoff, Barton, I want those pictures and videos of your fake missions off the internet before tonight. Do I make myself clear."

"Yes sir." Steve said meekly.

"Sure, sure." Tony muttered, still wondering how he could get a revenge.

The TV flickered off and Bucky let out a huge sigh of relief. Romanoff frowned at the group. "Come on, Clint. We have work to do." She snapped and marched out of the room. Clint followed submissively.

"So….." Tony looked around awkwardly, "bye guys!"

Steve sighed and went to the gym to punch stuff, while Banner left to cool his ears by balancing chemical equations. Loki gave Thor a disdainful look and teleported away.

"Do you think it'd still be okay for us prank Steve?" Bucky asked timidly.

Thor thought for a moment. "I BELIEVE the Furious One would not mind if it was a SMALL joke.

Bucky frowned thoughtfully. "Do you think our cake idea is still good?"

"I do not think the Furious One will notice it." Thor affirmed.

"Good. Then I'll bake the cake. You go buy a jack-in-the-box."

Tony was sulking in his lab. He moodily poked at his toaster gun. Not only had he just been humiliated at a conference, but now he had gotten most of the flame from Fury's lecture. He must have his revenge! Again! But he didn't want Fury getting mad at him and kicking everyone out of Stark Tower. I mean, he _did _enjoy having everyone around. Well he might as well just lay quiet for a while, until Fury forgot, at least.

Perhaps he would be able to settle his score with a few well-thought-out pranks. Like the type that wouldn't get him in trouble.

With great difficulty, Bucky managed to stir the ingredients of a simple cake together. He had gotten batter all over the counter and floor, exploded a bag of flour by accident, and also broken two whisks.

Pepper hurriedly trotted into the kitchen when the smoke alarm went off. Bucky was standing forlornly by the sink, matted with flour and batter, attempting to pull the cake out of the oven.

"Bucky!" Pepper shrieked, assessing the situation. She pulled the charred remains of the cake from the oven quickly and ordered JARVIS to open the windows.

"Bucky, what are you trying to do?"

"I'm trying to bake Steve a cake." Bucky squeaked, clearly intimidated by this other scary woman.

Pepper's expression softened. "Okay Bucky. Next time you want to bake, ask someone for help. Got it? And um…..Dummy! Clean up this mess!"

She hurried away to answer a phone call after she cautiously scooped out the scorched cake onto a plate. Thor walked into the kitchen as she left.

"My FRIEND I have purchased the Jack who dwelleth in a box!"

Bucky sheepishly pushed forward the blackened cake. "I baked the cake."

"It looks…MARVELLOUS." Thor decided after a moment.

He set the jack in the box down on the counter and frowned for a moment. Then, shrugging his massive shoulders, he squished it into the center of the cake.

Bucky tilted his head to one side quizzically. "That makes the cake look sort of weird, though."

"I shall FIX it." Thor hastily pushed at the crumbly cake pieces until they covered the top of the jack in the box.

Bucky thought for a moment longer. "It still doesn't look like a cake!"

"I once saw Lady PEPPER using some delightful sticky WHITE stuff—"

"You mean frosting? Yeah, that's a good idea! I'll get some frosting!"

Bucky dashed down to the cold storage room and randomly grabbed several containers of cake icing. He raced back to the kitchen. "See? Steve will never be able to tell!"

Five minutes later, a pinkish-blue mound of icing sat on the kitchen counter, bits of blackened cake mixed into the frosting. Thor was scooping vanilla icing out of one of the containers with his fingers and eating it happily. It almost tasted like a Pop Tart. Bucky smiled happily at the unshapely blob.

"We have made the cake!" He wiped his nose, smearing icing down his face.

Dummy squeaked in irritation as he began to wipe sticky frosting and batter splashed off the counter. Bucky wrote: "TO STEVE" on a card and set it by the cake. Then he and Thor hid under the table (because OBVIOUSLY that was the best place to hide) and waited.

A few minutes later, Natasha entered the kitchen, glanced at the cake in disgust, and retrieved an apple from the fruit basket. She sat down on the couch in front of the TV and started reading. Loud voices suddenly erupted from the hallway, as Loki, Bruce, and Clint barged into the kitchen.

"It was your fault!"

"No, it's your fault!"

"The fault lies with you two!"

"You were the one who came up with the helium idea!"

"Yes you both agreed to aid me! And the foul-smelling chicken was your idea!"

"Shut up, you two!" Clint shouted, "Everyone is at fault here, okay? But we got our revenge and Tony can't get back at us without Fury getting mad again."

"I doubt that!" Loki spat, "The man of iron shall devise a plan, yet."

"Yeah, well what do you think we can do about that?" Bruce challenged.

"Well, nothing _your _dull brain could think of."

"Loki, shut it!" Clint snapped, as Bruce began to turn green.

"Why? I am a god, you dull creature! I am far wiser than you could ever hope to be!"

In a rage, Bruce grabbed the cake to throw at Loki. The jack in the box popped out and bopped him on the head. He immediately hulked out.

Natasha was on her feet instantly. "JARVIS, call Tony! We need immediate back up! Hulk is on the loose. I repeat, Hulk is on the loose!"

Bucky and Thor cowered under the table, their elaborate, genius plan clearly not going accordingly. And Bucky had never seen the Hulk before, so naturally he was freaking out.

Loki paled a little at the sight of the Hulk, since the last time he had seen the enormous green rage monster was when he was being smashed into the kitchen floor. Clint was running in circles around Hulk, trying to distract him for a few moments.

Then Loki thought of a GENIUS plan! Summoning all his magic, he aimed a spell at the Hulk, who dodged to grab Clint. The spell hit Tony as he walked through the door.

"I'M A GIRL!" Tony screamed in a high pitched voice. Sure enough, a long haired, boobified Tony stood in the doorway. His goatee had disappeared, but his look of complete horror and outrage made up for that. "Loki!" he shrieked in his new girl voice, "I'm gonna kill you! Come back here!"

"Tony! We'll fix you in a second, but we have to get Banner to the Hulk Chamber!"

When Banner had first moved into Stark Tower, Tony had equipped a room for him to run to while he hulked out. The walls were nearly indestructible, and there were plenty of tables and chairs to smash.

Clint squealed shrilly as Hulk nearly caught his leg. He dodged behind Loki, who in turn screamed and tried to run.

Tony, still enraged, shoved Loki out of the window shouting: "Hulk! Fetch!"

Hulk leaped after the screaming Norse god onto the busy street, twenty floor below.

"Loki will have teleported away by the time he reaches the bottom." Tony said, "We have to distract him and get him into the Hulk Chamber before he goes raging all over Manhattan!"

"Don't you think making sure he didn't jump out of a window could have helped?" Natasha yelled as they ran from the kitchen, leaving Bucky (who was scared witless) and Thor under the table.

"I must help my FRIENDS!" Thor bellowed, overturning the table by accident and running after the others.

Bucky hurriedly followed Thor, still freaked out of the big green thing, but unwilling to look like a coward.

The Hulk landed on the ground heavily, shaking buildings for a mile around. Civilians screamed and ran off in different directions.

"Hey!" Clint shouted, "Over here!" he started doing the chicken dance, and of course Hulk roared and made a grab for him.

Clint disappeared back inside Stark Tower with Hulk hot in pursuit. He raced down a hallway at full speed before ducking into an empty room.

Tony jumped out of hiding with his toaster gun. "BOO!" he shouted, firing toast at Hulk, who promptly started chasing Tony.

"HELP!" Tony screamed like the girl he currently was and streaked down the hallway, waving his arms in an extremely feminine manner.

Suddenly a shield flew out of nowhere and hit the Hulk on the head.

"This way!" Steve yelled, catching his shield as it flew back. He ran down another hallway, the Hulk rampaging after him. Unfortunately for him, the Hulk ripped a door off it's hinges and threw it at Steve. It knocked the super soldier over and he skidded to the ground.

Before the Hulk could grab Steve, Bucky suddenly punched him with his metal arm. "Don't touch Steve!" He took off running, dragging Steve behind him.

Hulk was about to chase them when a hammer hit him on the head. "MY GREEN FRIEND! Remember who you are! Do not chase the good captain!" Thor shouted, excessively wordy as usual, "You must find thy chamber for you to SMASH things in!"

Natasha rolled her eyes in frustration and jumped out in front of the Hulk, waving her arms. "This way!"

Hulk roared and took off after Natasha, who darted into a large empty room. The Hulk Chamber. As soon as they were both inside, Tony slammed the door shut.

"HEY!" Clint screeched, "Nat's still in there!"

"Don't worry. She's getting out through the air vent." Tony replied coolly, sticking out is new boobs. "I have to say. I still look attractive, even as a girl."

Natasha dropped out of the overhead air vent. "Okay. That's done. Banner will be back to himself in a bit. Let's go get Loki to turn you back."

Bucky cautiously stuck his head around the corner. "Is he gone?"

"Yes, my FRIEND." Thor boomed. "The doctor his SAFELY in his CHAMBERS!"

"Oh, good." Bucky dragged the unconscious Steve out of the men's bathroom and followed them down the hall.

"I have to ask. Who baked that disgusting cake?" Natasha demanded, "Because they are hella stupid!"

Bucky and Thor glanced at each other guiltily.

"This might explain something." Clint handed her a piece of paper.

"To Steve." Natasha read. "JAMES?"

"It was Thor's idea too!" Bucky squeaked.

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**Thank you so much people who reviewed! I'm trying to use all your ideas. If you want to see something happen, please let me know! Hope you enjoy!**

**~Grey**


	10. Chapter 9 Twister

**Aaahhhh! Sorry for not updating! I swear I haven't forgotten you. I'm going to be gone for a few days again, so no updates for awhile. Thanks to theinvisibleforce for this idea!**

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There was a short truce in the prank war. Partly because everyone was a little shaken by Bruce unexpectedly hulking out, and partly because Fury hadn't found out about that incident, and no one wanted to get in trouble.

However, war was brewing under the surface of calm. Bucky and Thor had yet to successfully prank Steve, who had found out about the treacherous attempt and was now thinking of a good comeback joke. Tony was still furious at Loki for turning him into a girl. Loki was outraged that Tony would dare throw him out the window. Clint honestly just thought people needed to lighten up a bit, so he wanted to play a joke, and Natasha was mad at everyone so she was planning a prank as well.

But that was all unofficiall. OFFICIALLY everyone loved everyone and rainbows and hearts and unicorns and all the stuff. Steve and Bruce made dinner for everyone, and everyone pretended to be happy.

"Today," Tony announced, as he finished his ice cream, "we are celebrating Tony day. So we're gonna play Twister!"

"I thought we celebrated Tony day yesterday." Bruce said.

"That was Stark day. Get it right, doofus."

"How come I don't get a day?" Clint complained.

"Um because clearly I'm the best. And unless you're the best, you can't have a day to yourself!"

Clint sulked and Tony opened the Twister box. "Who wants to be the caller?"

Pepper quickly volunteered before anyone else could, much to Bruce's distress.

"What's Twister?" Bucky and Steve asked together.

"A game of strategy and strength." Clint lied.

"Oh, okay." The two settled back in their chairs, looking satisfied.

Loki looked up in interest. "Strategy?" he queried, lifting an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Tony said, frantically shushing Pepper. "Nat wins every time. So there you go. Obviously a strategy game."

"I believe I shall participate in this contest."

"It's not a contest. It's a game. Why do you make everything a contest?"

"Everything _is _a contest." Loki replied smugly.

"Whatever. So you in? No backing out like a scared chicken?"

"I am not a cowardly fowl!"

"Except for the time you—" Thor started.

"Be quiet, _Thor._" Loki hissed.

"Okay, let's start!" Tony rolled out the mat. Steve, Bucky and Thor eyed it in suspicion.

Everyone got up from their chairs and gathered around the mat.

"Nat, you first." Pepper announced, spinning the wheel. "Left foot on green."

"Wait, I fail to see how this is a game of strategy." Loki began.

"Hush, deer horns," Tony interrupted, "It takes patience."

"Steve right hand green!"

Steve cautiously crouched down behind Natasha.

"Bruce, right foot red."

The turns went on and on. A few minutes later, everyone on the mat was in an awkward tangle of arms and legs, and faces in people's armpits.

"I do not BELIEVE it is beneficial for my LEG to be in such a POSITION!" Thor complained, awkwardly holding himself up so he didn't squish Banner.

"The view here is just wonderful." Tony said grumpily from under Thor.

"Your idea Tony, your idea." Pepper spun the wheel again.

Soon, Thor was out and Banner (who had fallen down purposely on accident) followed soon after. Steve was bright red because Tony's behind was practically in his face, and Loki was surprisingly enjoying himself. Natasha was in an extremely awkward position underneath Tony.

"Bucky, left hand blue."

Everyone groaned in annoyance as Bucky twisted his metal arm into an extremely unnatural position to reach the patch.

"Loki, right foot red."

Loki grunted in dismay. Both feet were on green, the other side of the mat, and he was essentially sitting on Clint already. He carefully swung his foot over to green, slipped and sat down on the archer, who collapsed.

Everyone burst into roars of raucous laughter, much to the embarrassment of the god of mischief.

"Clint and Loki you are out!"

"Aw come ON!" Clint moaned, "I just wanted to beat Tasha once. Just ONCE!"

Loki huffed angrily as he and Hawkeye left in defeat.

"Natasha, left hand green."

The assassin reached over, easily twisting her back forty five degrees.

"Steve, right hand red."

Steve's face turned as red as the circle he was reaching for. His face was now pressed up against Tony's backside.

"Careful there, old guy!" Tony yelped.

"Tony, right foot red."

With great difficulty, he swung his foot over Steve and successfully moved his bum away from the super soldier's face. Now he was crouching above him.

"Bucky, left foot yellow!"

Bucky slid his foot along the mat carefully until it reached yellow. Great. Now he was in some sort of awkward crab-walk position underneath Natasha. Loki, growing bored, began to think of something to amuse himself. He finally blew into his hands, conjuring a tiny insect and set it down on the ground. It began to crawl slowly toward the mat.

"SPIDERRRRR!" Tony screeched, falling onto Steve and Natasha's legs, so that Steve was basically doing a pushup with a billionaire sprawled over his back.

Natasha lost her balance when Tony crashed onto her legs, and fell, squishing the unfortunate Bucky underneath her.

"I WIN!" Steve shouted jubilantly.

* * *

**Sorry for this being short, I've been super busy. Reviews make Thor happy! And thank you all for your awesome ideas!**

**~Grey**


	11. Chapter 10 Autographs

**This chapter was requested by darkblade1163. Sorry it was kinda short, but I hope you like it! **

* * *

"Avengers assemble!" Steve bawled, running into the kitchen. "Loki and Bucky, you too!"

Bruce hurriedly barged in, Loki and Thor teleporting in a few moments after. Clint dropped out of the air vent a few moments later with Natasha. Another door ripped off its hinges as Bucky bowled in.

"Guys, guys!" Steve panted. "Director Fury has just informed me that there is a new threat in New York. Apparently—"

"Wait, how did you get a message before Director Fury before all of us?" Clint asked in disbelief, "Did you finally find out how to check your email?"

"No!" Steve snapped, "I was watching the television, when Fury sent in a message. Apparently a normal civilian has managed to program some sort of high-tech armor that looks like Stark's."

"What? That evil bastard!" Stark bawled from the hallway.

"Late again, Tony!" Clint shouted.

Tony stopped in front of the door. "Who the hell keeps tearing my doors off the hinges?" he demanded, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"Never mind the doors, Tony!" Steve yelled, "This is important. This imposter is calling himself Metal Man and has recently kidnapped field Agent 76. Karina Alexandria. He's threatening to kill her unless Tony hands over the designs for his suits."

"Who's Karina?" Clint asked.

"Oh, I know her." Natasha said, "I was assigned on a few of the same missions as she was. Why's Metal Man targeting her, though?"

"Wait, Karina?" Tony demanded, "That-! She's my niece! Guys, suit up, we have to go now! JARVIS, deploy-"

"No, no, no!" Steve cut in, "We can't do it like that. He'll see your suits coming from a distance and Karina could be dead by then. We'll have to surprise him. We need a plan."

"Deception and trickery?" Loki asked, "I like it."

"A diversion!" Thor said dramatically looking into the distance, "That is what that feminine bow man from the Ring of the Lords said!"

"Hey, not bad big guy!" Clint clapped Thor on the back, "Studying pop culture and all. Making me so proud."

"Can we focus?!" Tony bawled. "A diversion is a good idea, though. Wait, I have a plan! Gather around you guys. This is very important."

Metal Man was standing in the middle of Central Park, holding a struggling victim. He was waiting for ten thousand bucks and blueprints to come falling out of the sky.

His brown-haired victim writhed furiously, shouting threats through a badly tied-on gag. Metal Man ignored her, until she kicked him in the shins. He hissed and raised his hand.

Suddenly, Thor and Loki stepped out of the bushes. Metal Man immediately his hand at them, ready to blast if they proved a threat.

"Bastard!" Tony hissed from the bushes, "He is so copying my suit!"

Thor and Loki sighed in unison, Thor looking like a kicked puppy, and Loki scowling ferociously. Both reluctantly began dancing the Macarena while singing.

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie woooorrrllllddd!"

Metal Man stopped in surprise. Karina's jaw dropped. THIS was what SHIELD had sent in to rescue her? Two dancing Norse gods? What had she EVER done to deserve this? (Besides that time she stole one of Coulson's Captain America cards, but that was irrelevant!)

"You can brush my haiiiirrr!"

Both Metal Man and Karina didn't notice Natasha stealthily creeping up behind them and attaching a small electronic device to Metal Man's arm.

"Come on Barbie! Let's go PARTY!" Loki's face was red with humiliation, and Thor sadly started the Macarena again. Heimdall had BETTER not report this to Odin!

Loki could just envision the mortifying situation.

"My king, your sons are making fools of themselves on earth."

And Odin would call them back up. "You two are fools! I take from you your powers and I CAST YOU OUT FOR BRINGING SHAME TO MY HOUSE YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE KING HWARRAHAAGHGAA!"

Because really, Loki thought, that was what Odin talked like.

Metal Man started to say something, but Thor quickly interrupted as he started doing the chicken dance.

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you gooooo!"

Loki began to sing through his teeth.

Tony quickly typed a code into his computer. "Good!" he whispered to Clint who was hiding nearby with his bow ready. "In a few minutes, his suit is gonna fall apart! Teach you to mess with my niece again!"

Steve was hiding behind the Alice in Wonderland statue with Bucky, and Bruce was crouching in several bushes, ready to Hulk out should Metal Man attack.

Thor and Loki were finishing the Justin Beiber song, with the latter throwing death glares in Tony's direction, when Tony finally activated the device.

Metal Man's suit creaked and fell apart with a loud crash to the ground. At the same time, Steve dashed forward, threw Karina over his shoulder and ran off in the opposite direction. Before the villain could react, Bucky sprinted over, punched him in the head with his metal arm and scurried away again!

Metal Man crumpled to the ground.

"Victory!" Tony cheered, jumping from the bushes and running towards Steve and Karina.

"Tony?" Karina asked, clearly surprised.

"Yeah, didn't think I'd leave my favorite niece in the hands of some lunatic, would you? What'd you think of my plan? Was that the mark of a genius or what?"

"Um…." Karina hesitated as Loki and Thor approached, both crimson in the face. Clint was clearly trying not to laugh. "I thought the part where you disabled the guy's suit was pretty clever. Um…the distraction was…..funny?"

Thor beamed. "It pleaseth me to hear that my efforts provided you with amusement!"

Loki scowled and Karina laughed. "Oh come on. I liked it. Loki, you were really rocking those moves."

Loki stuck out his lower lip and looked glum.

"Cheer up, Reindeer Games! She liked it!" Tony punched Loki's arm.

Banner crawled out of the bushes and joined the group.

"Wow! I can't believe I'm actually standing with all of you guys. Natasha! I haven't seen you for so long!"

Natasha smiled. "Bet you didn't see me creeping up on you two, either."

"Want my autograph?" Clint offered, before being elbowed in the stomach by Tony. "Ow, what?"

"She doesn't want your stupid autograph!" Tony snapped.

"Yeah, I do!" Karina argued, "Can I have all of your autographs? Except you Tony, I don't need yours."

Tony pouted and Thor looked confused. "What is an autograph?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "It's when you sign your name for someone to keep, brother you great oaf!"

Thor looked pleased. "You shall certainly have my autograph, Midgardian!"

"No, no!" Tony interrupted, "Karina, trust me, you don't want their ugly autographs."

"My autograph is beautiful, Stark!" Clint protested.

"How long do you practice it, huh?" Tony smirked.

"Why do people want our names?" Bucky whispered loudly to Steve.

"It's…uh…a thing?" Steve tried to explain.

"You dare mock my autograph?" Thor boomed at Tony.

Loki sniffed. "Your autograph is probably uglier than mine!"

Natasha shook her head. "Men."

"Guys, seriously!" Karina shouted, waving her arms at the group of squabbling geniuses, gods, and super soldiers. "Fury's gonna get on my case if I don't get back to works soon. Can I at least get a picture or something?"

"No, Midgardian maid!" Thor bellowed, "You will HAVE my autograph! The Man of Iron shall not stop ME!"

Karina happily held out a notebook. The following were the messages from the Avengers. (Even Tony, because Karina decided it would always be great to have your favorite uncle's autograph.)

Bruce: Good luck in the field! ~Bruce Banner

Tony: I am the best uncle ever! Amirite? I am right. I am always right.*smiley face* *cat picture* ~your favorite uncle.

Thor: YOU ARE A FAIR MIDGARDIAN MAIDEN. ~THOR ODINSON

Loki: Dear mortal, one day you will die of old age. ~Loki Friggason.

Steve: Dear Karina, good luck out in the wide world. It was nice meeting you today and I hope you have a wonderful day! ~Steve Rogers/Captain America

Bucky: I am not sure what I am supposed to write. ~Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier

Clint: Metal Man sucks! Caw Caw! ~Clint Barton *phone number*

Natasha: Karina, it was awesome seeing you. I hope to work with you again in the future. ~Nat

"Thanks guys!" Karina beamed. Tony smiled at his niece's inner fangirling.

Her phone suddenly rang. "Hello? Phil—oh sorry, I mean Agent Coulson? Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, sorry! I'm coming back now! No, no, it's good. Steve Rogers? Yeah, he's here. Yeah, Barnes is here also. Yeah, I got their autographs. No, I'm not giving them to you. Hey! Don't you threaten me! Why don't _you _just ask Steve for his autograph? No, he won't turn you down. Why would you think that? Um…..that's….a lot of cards…..but I'm sure Steve would sign all of them if you asked nicely…..enough…."

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**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'll try to update again tomorrow, since I did a lot of writing. However, I'm also working on another project now, so updates will be less frequent. I'm still using all of your ideas, which are all awesome, so give me more! Thor likes reviews. Thor will like you if you give me reviews. Thor will share pop tarts if you give me reviews. I'm just gonna stop now...**

**~Grey**


	12. Chapter 11 Happy Father's Day

**I remembered you guys! Okay, here's another chapter. I know it's not Father's Day, but whatever. Roll with it.**

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It was a lovely day at Stark Tower. The sun was shining and a few wispy clouds streaked the bright blue skies. The wind blew cheerily threw buildings and all along the streets people wished each other a good morning.

Meanwhile, Tony was sitting down in the dark, spider-webby basement of Stark Tower crying. And drinking.

Yep. He was weeping his eyes out and drowning himself in a bottle of Vodka. Several bottles of vodka. Suddenly the lights turned on as the elevator door dinged and someone walked out into the dank room.

"Oh, Tony." Pepper's soft voice said.

* * *

Thor munched on his pop tarts as he walked toward the giant freezer where he stashed his ice-cream flavored pop tarts. (Banner had tried to explain that they didn't need to be frozen because they were pop tarts, not actual ice-cream, but Thor was not convinced.) It was a walk-in freezer and Thor hummed to himself as he rummaged around the ice-cream shelves.

Thor was in a good mood. The man of iron had thrown a party yesterday in celebration of some day…..whatever it was…..and Thor had won a drinking contest! Yes, Thor was happy.

As he removed a large tub of chocolate, he yelped in surprise. Loki was sitting behind the shelf in his blue frost-giant form. His red eyes were watery and his face was streaked with tears.

"Brother," for once Thor didn't shout, "What is wrong?"

* * *

The lovely smell of pancakes and scrambled eggs floated from the kitchen. Bacon sizzled and popped on the stove, mingling with the sound of Steve sobbing loudly.

Banner, upon walking past the kitchen, stopped in utter shock. The table was stacked high with pancakes, eggs, toast, bacon, and orange juice. Banner blinked once or twice as he looked from Steve to the table and then back at Steve

"Steve…what? What are you…..are you okay? What is this?"

"Breakfast." Steve snuffled loudly.

"Um…..Steve are you? Um…I…uh….?"

"Happy father's day!" Steve cried, bursting into tears again as he fled the kitchen.

He ran down the hallway until he stopped in his room. He could hear water running in the shower in Bucky's room next door.

That was weird. Bucky had been showering when Steve first got up to make breakfast at six in the morning. It was nearly eight now. He hurried into Bucky's room and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Bucky? Bucky are you alright?"

There were only the sounds of the shower streaming steadily and Bucky's muffled crying.

"Bucky? Bucky!"

"Go away, Steve!" Bucky sobbed from the shower.

* * *

Tony blinked blearily at Pepper.

"Pep…" he croaked, rubbing his eyes furiously, "I'm just…I was just…" He accidently dropped the bottle and promptly burst into tears.

Pepper sat down on an overturned bucket beside him.

"Tony, what's wrong?" she whispered.

"Nothing!" Tony slurred. "I'm fine. I'm fine."

Pepper put her arms around him. "No you're not, Tony. What's wrong? You seemed happy yesterday. You got drunk at that party yesterday. Actually, you were completely crazy yesterday."

"I know." Tony mumbled.

Pepper thought back to one of Tony's birthday parties several years back, when he had wrecked his house with his crazy party. Back when his core reactor was slowly poisoning him and he thought it was the last birthday party he was ever going to have. Pepper realized Tony had been trying to hide something yesterday.

"Tony, something was wrong yesterday! What was it?" a sudden thought struck her. "Oh my god. I forgot. It's Father's day. I'm sorry Tony, I'm so sorry." She stroked Tony's hair

Tony started bawling something that sounded like: "Daaaaaaadd!"

"Tony. Tony, listen to me!" Pepper said, firmly forcing Tony to look up, "Your dad was a good man, okay? And I don't think he'd want you to just sit here today. He wouldn't you to mourn. Or have the same problem he did." Pepper took away the bottle Tony had reached for. "He'd want you to celebrate the good life of an amazing man. Wouldn't he? Can you do that? Tony, what do you do best?"

"Be awesome?" Tony hiccupped.

Pepper laughed. "I was going to say party, but yes. There's the Tony I know."

Tony leaned on her shoulder and smiled a little as the tears ceased to fall.

* * *

Leave me alone, Thor!" Loki snarled, horror springing out behind his eyes, "I don't want you to see me!"

"Loki I do not care if you are in your frost giant form. You are weeping, so I must help you."

Thor grunted as he pulled a large box of ice cream sandwiches from the bottom shelf so he could crawl through. He nearly knocked over the shelf as he squeezed into the space in the back. Loki was sitting on the ground with his head in his hands.

"Loki, what is wrong?"

"Nothing!" Loki yelled, making several boxes fall from the shelves. He was shaking all over. But clearly not from cold.

Thor crouched down in front of Loki. "Brother you cannot forever shut me out. I only want to help you."

"I don't need help." Loki croaked. "Not today, not any day!"

"Not today?" Thor asked quizzically, "What about today?" Was there something special today he missed?

Vaguely, Thor remembered the Eye of Hawk mentioning the name of the day Tony had thrown a party for. It was supposed to be today that…that…day of the father? Or something like that? Then Thor suddenly realized why Loki had been hiding in a freezer, of all places, and crying. He tentatively reached out for Loki's ice cold hands. "I understand." He said softly.

To his surprise, Loki did not withdraw his hands, but continued to shed tears silently in the cold. Thor did not speak but sat quietly with his brother, knowing that sometimes no words could bring the comfort that could only be bought with silence.

* * *

"Bucky, please let me in!" Steve pleaded, hammering on the bathroom door, "You've been in there for two hours! What's wrong?"

Bucky continued to weep. Two hours. Had he really been crying all alone for two hours? The thought made Steve's insides turn.

"Buck, I'm going to kick down the door if you don't tell me what's wrong!"

The shower stopped and Steve could hear Bucky moving around in the bathroom. Bucky soon opened the door, dressed but still soaking wet. His eyes were red and he wiped his nose with one hand. Steve reached out and touched his shoulder.

"Buck, the water's got have turned cold after two hours of running."

Bucky blinked. "It was supposed to be hot at first?" he sniffed in surprise, clearly not knowing about the hot water tap.

"Bucky!" Steve cried, scandalized, "Oh never mind. You're gonna catch a cold. Come on."

Bucky grabbed Steve's arm and studied his face. "What's the matter with you? Are _you _okay?"

"I'm fine." Steve said, dragging Bucky out of the cold bathroom and draping towels over him.

"Now tell me what's up." He prompted.

Bucky sighed. "Well I remembered what Father's day was." He began.

Steve's eyes lit up. "You remembered something else? How much more did you remember? Did you remember your dad? But Bucky, your dad died before you were born….why were you…..?"

Bucky's eyes filled with tears. "Is that why you're crying? Father's day?"

"Yeah," Steve nodded, quickly wiping his eyes, "I just started thinking about my dad from when I was young. And I miss him a lot. I started cooking breakfast as fast as I could to distract myself...I probably used a hundred eggs..."

Bucky looked at the ground, a tear rolling off his nose. "I didn't remember my dad or anything else. I just knew I had a dad once and today I was supposed to be celebrating him, but I didn't even have any memories of him. And then I just felt like I was sitting in an empty hole where I couldn't feel anything. I didn't even remember my dad so I could miss him."

Steve out an arm around his friend, despite the fact he was soaking wet. "It hurts, Buck. It hurts to miss people. It's not a pleasant feeling."

"I know." Bucky sobbed, "But I'd rather have that hurt. I'd rather have the pain of knowing I lost something I loved and that loved me back than the pain of not even remembering someone loved you."

"I'm sorry, Bucky." Steve whispered as he squeezed his friend tighter. "I'm sorry."

The two sat on the floor for a long time. Just two old men who were still children, lost and alone in an unfamiliar world they could never truly become a part of.

* * *

**Sorry for the feels! I made myself sad writing this. :P Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading about sad Avengers. I'll try to update tomorrow. Thanks for all your awesome reviews, y'all are the best!**

**~Grey**


	13. Chapter 12 Mythology

It was one of those rare afternoons when Clint was studying. Actually, he was snooping. He knew Bucky and Thor were beginning to formulate another one of their lame pranks, and Steve was probably trying to think of an equally sorry revenge. Recently, Loki had bubble-wrapped everything in Tony's room as revenge for being tossed out a window. And now the billionaire had asked Clint to held him think of something in return.

Clint, itching for a prank, had started by researching Norse mythology. And WHAT a surprise he had found.

"AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!" He bawled.

A few, tense moments later, everyone had gathered around Clint, panting slightly from running in from different floors of Stark Tower. (Except Loki, who was looking smug because he could teleport. What a clump nugget.)

"What? What?" Steve demanded, "Is there another CENTIPEDE soldier?"

"No!" Clint said shrilly, clearly in shock. "This…this….LOKI WHAT IS THIS?" he pointed at his computer.

"What?" Loki demanded coldly.

"According to Norse Mythology…..you…um…..turned yourself into a girl horse and had a horse baby with eight legs! And now Odin uses him as his own personal steed! What the HELL? Your dad is using his grandson as a horse? You were a girl? AND YOU HAD A BABY?"

"That is not true!" Loki shouted, turning blue, "The computer lies!"

Steve and Bucky stared open-mouthed at the frost giant. Tony burst into a fit of cackles.

"Bwahahaha! Loki…what the actual heck? Wow, you….hahahaha! I can't even! HAHAHAHA!"

"That's just gross." Natasha backed away.

"It never happened!" Loki declared.

"Okay…this just got really awkward and weird. I'm gonna leave." Bruce turned and left, clearly irritated.

"Wow. I'm so putting that on the cover of the next issue of People." Tony wheezed.

"You dare to mock me, you mewling quim?" Loki shouted.

"Ahahahaha!" Tony cackled, "Loki's a mom! How's your kid anyway? Odin getting a bit heavy? Wahahaha!"

"Where's Thor?" Natasha asked, "He would be able to validate this story."

"He's in Asgard for the week." Bucky spoke up.

"I assure you, this story is completely false." Loki sniffed. "I would never turn myself into a horse. Especially not a female horse. I would just never turn myself into a girl in general!"

"Except for the time you dressed up as Thor's bridesmaid." Clint put in.

"What?" Steve asked, his face a contortion of disgust.

"That was a favor to Thor!" Loki bellowed.

"Thor's married?" Tony gasped for breath on the ground.

"Not really. It says that a frost giant stole Mjolnir and wouldn't give it back unless the goddess Freyja married him. Thor dressed up as Freyja and Loki went disguised as a bridesmaid."

"Well, we did get Mjolnir back." Loki pointed out. "And it was the only way!"

"You could have pretended to be a party guest or something!" Steve suggested.

"The frost giants wouldn't let any of Asgardians except Freyja and her handmaidens come."

"Bad hosts." Clint remarked. "So stingy. Wow, looks like you got your mouth sewn shut at one point, too!"

"Stop reading that filth!" Loki snapped, "None of it's true!"

"Wait, wait, I wanna know!" Tony pestered, getting back up.

"Apparently Loki lost a bet to two dwarves and so the dwarves had a claim to his head. Loki got out of the bet, however, by saying they couldn't claim his neck, so they sewed his mouth shut."

Tony collapsed on the ground in a shaking heap. Steve looked rather horrified and Bucky's lips were twitching.

"That's really good to know, Loki." Natasha said dryly, with a hint of humor to her voice.

"They're all lies!" Loki declared.

"Uh-huh, whatever you say." Natasha left, with Steve and Bucky following.

"They're not true!" Loki bawled, "I'm telling you! Don't believe it! Where are you going? Why don't you all believe me?"

He was only answered by Tony and Clint giggling girlishly as they found another embarrassing story. He decided to leave.

* * *

The next day, Loki woke up to the words HORSE LADY written on his ceiling. Growling to himself, he got out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom.

"How's your kiddo?" was written in shaving cream on the mirror. Loki snarled and wiped the mess away. He was in a foul temper by the time he get to the kitchen. There was an innocent plate of pancakes sitting on the counter.

A few moments later, several horse-shaped pancakes went flying out of the twenty-first floor of Stark Tower.

* * *

**Thank you Darkblade1163 for this idea! You seriously rock! Anyhow, sorry this was short, but I'm feeling lazy. Roll with it. I'm trying to think of a really lame prank for Steve, so if you have any ideas, please share! Thanks for reading!**

**~Grey**


	14. Chapter 13 Day Out

**Eeekk! I'm so sorry. I admit, I forgot about you all. In my defense...I was writing something very important. **

**Tony: HA yeah right. You just abandoned us. We hate you. **

**Me: No don't hate! Bucky loves me!**

**Bucky: *silence***

**Me: Okay, I'm soooorrryyyyyy!**

**So seriously. Sorry for forgetting. *sits in the cone of shame***

**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel and I suck at updating. **

* * *

Bucky was slowly becoming accustomed to Stark Tower. It was hard, however, to remember not to jerk every single door open with his left hand. Tony was beginning to wonder if he was developing super powers, every time he opened a door and it fell on him. JARVIS never said anything, because he was a bad little AI.

It was a fine morning, and Bucky decided to go to the kitchen. After he had gotten over his initial fear of being offered milk, he discovered that he quite liked the stuff and had annoyed Clint by drinking all of it in two days.

Something on the counter caught his eye, as he poured himself a glass. It seemed like a cluster of little metal beads. He poked it with his right hand.

Weird. It must have been some sort of magnet! Attention instantly hooked, he pulled off one of the beads and examined it. It wasn't a bullet….it was just….a bead. He hesitantly poked at the cluster with his fingers and mushed it into a sort of lump.

Bucky decided that these weird beads were very fun to play with and started connecting them into a long string. That was when the evil metal beads decided to get stuck to his prosthetic arm. He shook his arm furiously, but the wicked beads of death clung tightly to the metal and refused to budge. He gradually pulled them off and started building again, but they got stuck on his arm a second time.

He was making frustrated, whimpering noises when Tony strolled into the kitchen. The billionaire stared at Bucky, who was now hopping around the kitchen, frantically shaking his metal arm and trying to pull little magnetic beads off.

Tony promptly burst out laughing. "Everyone! Bucky's playing with bucky balls!"

"Get it off!" Bucky squealed, pulling in vain at the bucky balls which stuck stubbornly to him.

Tony cackled wildly. "The bucky balls have found their master. Haaa I'm so funny!"

* * *

After the traumatizing experience with the bucky balls (Steve had finally calmed him down enough to scrape the evil beads of terror off his arm and hide them) Bucky decided that he was going to go for a walk.

He quietly left Stark Tower and strolled peacefully down the streets of Manhattan. Suddenly, someone squealed nearby. He jumped and clenched his fist, ready to attack the first threat that appeared.

"Oh my gosh!" a girl shrilled and ran up to him. He staggered backwards in fright and surprise. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! It's Bucky Barnes! Oh my gooossshhhh!"

Bucky was not sure what her gosh was, and it had to do with anything.

"Can you please sign my arm? Please? Please!" The girl eagerly held out a pen.

Another girl joined her. "Oh my gosh!"

Apparently this girl had a gosh too. What the hell was a gosh, Bucky wondered.

"Winter Soldier! I'm such a huge fan! Can you sign this picture?"

"Wh-what?" Bucky squeaked in surprise. Where was Steve when he needed him? What did these girls want? It must be HYDRA setting a trap for him!

Bucky was about to completely flip out and attack, when another girl ran towards him.

"Bucky Barnes! I love you! Can I have your autograph?"

Wait! Bucky knew what an autograph was. Steve had explained it, when they met Stark's niece in Central Park. Signing couldn't be too different, right? He was now surrounded by a squealing crowd of girls. How was he going to give out so many autographs?

He took the first girl's pen and wrote "I am signing an autograph" on her arm.

"Aww you're so cute!" she gushed.

Bucky was startled. He did not think of himself as 'cute'.

"Can I have your autograph?" another girl shouted.

"Can I? Can I?" The sounded like a swarm of angry gulls.

Bucky was beginning to panic. What was he supposed to do? All these humans were beginning to squish him! He was going to die a horrible death of suffocation by squealing girls!

Suddenly, light flashed beside him as Loki materialized. The screams of the girls intensified 600 fold.

"Loki!" They shrieked in unison.

"Loki look over here!"

"Loki I love you!"

"Loki marry me!"

"Loki can I touch your hair?"

"Loki I will be your slave forever!"

"Team Loki!"

"Team Bucky!"

"You guys are way hotter than the good guys!"

Now Bucky was just plain confused. He had not been under the impression that he was a bad guy. He looked over at Loki who was smiling smugly at the girls.

"What—what's going on?" he shouted to be heard.

Loki grinned widely (which looked plain evil). "These Midgardian creatures call themselves fangirls. Basically, they are my worshippers. If I had known of their existence when I first tried to conquer Midgard, I would have enlisted their help instead of Barton's."

Screams of approval.

"Watch and learn." Loki turned to the girls. "Kneel!" he shouted.

Instantly, the girls squealed and shrieked in delight, and got down on their knees. Bucky had never seen such a huge crowd of people obey one person so instantaneously.

"Is this not simpler?" Loki sneered.

A few girls fainted as Loki went on to talk about freedom being an illusion and a whole bunch of stuff that just made Bucky's head spin. Some of the girls were hyperventilating and some were weeping on the ground, curled up into pathetic little balls.

"See?" Loki said to Bucky, "They love it! Why don't you try?"

Bucky nodded, and then turned to the crowd. "Kneel!" he shouted.

There was a confused silence.

"No, don't copy exactly what I do, you fool!" Loki hissed, "That's what I say! Think of your own line!"

Bucky turned an unattractive shade of red. "Oh….oh…what do I say then?"

"Whatever you want?"

"My name is Bucky!" Bucky shouted.

He was instantly greeted by a chorus of squeals and shrieks.

"We love Bucky!" someone shouted. "Team Bucky!"

"Shut up, this isn't Twilight!" someone else shouted.

Bucky would never get understand the twenty first century. Why shouldn't people speak unless it was evening? But anyway, he could get used to this type of treatment. This was much better than bucky balls. There was something about the crowd….he couldn't quite get the word.

"Flattering, isn't it?" Loki asked.

Yes, that was the word. Flattering. Yes, he could definitely get used to this.

* * *

Bucky returned to Stark Tower exhausted but happy. He was thrilled to realize so many people actually liked him. And a little scared of some of the more…er…passionate fans.

Back at Stark Tower, however, someone else was not exactly quite happy. Bucky entered a room to find Clint sitting moodily at the edge of a couch, sulking. Bucky sat down quietly on the other side.

"Natasha left on a mission." The archer sulked, "and she didn't even tell me."

Bucky nodded silently.

"Why doesn't she ever tell me?" Clint complained.

Bucky shrugged.

"Dude why are you so silent all the time?" Clint curled his knees up to his chest.

Bucky thought for a moment, and then carefully detached his metal arm and used it to pat Clint's head without having to get up from his spot.

"I mean really, she could at least—AAAHHH!" Clint screamed when he saw Bucky. "WHY IS YOUR DETACHED ARM TOUCHING MY HEAD? WHY?"

Bucky dropped the arm, startled. "Sorry!" he squeaked.

Clint fell off the couch. "Dude! Never do that again! Ever!"

Bucky apologetically put is cybernetic arm back on, turning read. Bucky had done something wrong. He hung his head.

"Chill, chill, man!" Clint said, "Don't sweat it. It's just unexpected and freaky."

Bucky continued looking at his shoes in shame.

"Geez," Clint ran his hand through his hair, "You don't have to get all puppy-dog-face on me. You just kinda creeped me out. I didn't know you could detach your arm."

Bucky stayed silent.

"Aw come on!" Clint cried, "Now I'm the bad guy! Look, Buckster, no one's mad at you, okay? Nobody is going to punish you for scaring me. In fact, I'm beginning to see how it's funny!"

Bucky looked up a little hopefully. "Funny?"

"Yeah, it's pretty hilarious if you think about it."

Bucky smiled now, and Clint felt immensely relieved. He didn't want to be the target of Steve's rage if Bucky got all sad and depressed. And anyway, he felt a sort of sympathy for the former assassin.

"Look, Bucky, if you ever want to talk to someone, you can come to me. I once got my brain screwed with too. Loki, actually, before he—er—reformed. I had him controlling me around for a bit. I know it's nothing on your seventy years, but I have a sort of idea what it feels like."

Bucky blinked in surprise, but he nodded. "I hate brainwashing."

"I do too, I do too." Clint sat back on the couch, settling into the cushions.

They sat in a sort of comfortable silence as it got darker outside. For the first time in a while, Bucky didn't feel so alone anymore. Humans….they weren't all so bad, were they?

* * *

**So I'm not exactly sure if Bucky's arm actually can be detached, but I read somewhere that he could...so sorry Marvel experts if I'm wrong! I'm a very bad fan and I haven't read the comics. *hangs head in shame***

**Anyway, thank you all for your support! I promise I'll try to update more often. (Don't hold me to my word though...) Please review with more ideas!**

**~Grey**


	15. Chapter 14 Jello and Vodka

**Hey everyone! Look at me, updating soon-ish! *sheepish look* Anyway, picking up the prank war again. Thanks to ShunKazamis-Girl for the lame prank ideas! **

* * *

Loki fumed furiously in his room. He was so furious that he looked like Fury's face on a normal day. He chewed his lower lip as he thought of a revenge plan. Those two idiots, Stark and Barton, had humiliated him. BADLY. And he must avenge his fallen dignity.

There was one problem, though. He was not good at thinking of plans that would escape Fury's notice. As Tony said, he was a diva. It was either full-on revenge, or no revenge at all. And who could help him?

Certainly NOT Thor or Barnes. Those two lard-heads were too busy trying to prank the Captain and could only think of the lamest pranks he had ever heard. He was quite sure Rogers wouldn't help him, and even if he did, he would think of a "nice" prank, like….say….a prank call.

Romanoff would probably kick him in the shins if he asked, he wasn't willing to appeal to Bruce for help. Because….of reasons. Floor-smashing reasons.

That left Pepper. As much as the idea repulsed the god of mischief, it was his best shot. So he decided to swallow his pride and ask Tony's girlfriend for help. She was sure to think of a good plan.

* * *

Thor and Bucky giggled madly as they crept into Steve's bedroom. Bucky was beyond thrilled to have Thor back from Asgard (he had missed his large blonde friend) and now they must finish Mission Prank Steve.

The unfortunate captain was fast asleep when they entered his room. Even more unfortunately, he happened to be a deep sleeper, so he didn't hear even Thor, who's quiet tiptoes sounded like _thump! Thump! Thump!_

Bucky sent Thor to the bathroom for Part 1 and then attended to Steve. He stealthily peeled off one of Steve's socks and draped it gently over Steve's mouth.

Bucky grinned in satisfaction. Bucky was so smart. Bucky was pranking Steve. Bucky sincerely hoped JARVIS wouldn't say anything.

Thor came back from the bathroom, dusting off his hands.

"My friend!" Thor whispered loudly. Steve stirred in his sleep and both conspirators flinched nervously. "The deed is done! Now we must wait for the good captain to awake and attempt to use the toilet!"

The broke into a girlish fit of giggles and silently left the room again.

"Let us go back to the DINING HALL and FEAST on my tarts of POP." Thor announced loudly as soon as they were somewhat down the hall.

Little did they know what was in store for them…

* * *

Loki hesitated nervously outside of Pepper's office door. He had not had much contact with this woman….and he wasn't sure if she liked him. Well….probably not….he had tried to kill her boyfriend. But what did it matter? Odin had sent him down here to redeem himself and he hadn't caused any trouble lately. Well, not major trouble.

He knocked timidly.

"Come in!" he heard Pepper say.

She was sitting behind her desk, typing busily on the computer.

"Excuse me, Lady Potts." Loki said, pulling out all his charm, "I am in need of your assistance."

Pepper looked surprised. "Loki! Sure, what can I do for you?"

"If you are busy, I could return at a different time." Loki said, looking at her computer and suddenly chickening out.

"Oh it's fine. I'm just emailing Maria about some girl problems." Pepper shook her head. "Can you believe this is the third time Tony's forgotten about our date? I'm beginning to get tired of getting mad at him each time."

This was a golden opportunity! Carpe diem! Loki jumped at the chance.

"Oh, men." He said smoothly, "How fickle and irresponsible they are!"

"I know right?"

"Stark does not appreciate what is in front of him. Instead, he spends his time idly causing foolery with that bird man."

"Tell me about it. Seriously. I'm so mad at him!"

"He deserves to be punished."

"Definitely! How should we punish him?"

AHA! There was that 'we'!

"We?" Loki feigned surprise, "Surely it would not be my place to punish Stark."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I just need someone to help me think."

"Oh, of course." Loki smiled with satisfaction, "But we must take heed. The one eyed man warned us not to cause any more destruction to the tower or to SHIELD's reputation.

Pepper smiled in an almost evil way. If that was even possible for someone like Pepper. "Loki, hun, you don't understand girls. We don't do that sort of destruction. We break a man another way."

Loki mentally noted not to ever make Pepper angry with him. He swallowed and forced a grin.

"Of course, of course. Well, how shall we punish the man of iron and his bird friend, then?"

"Clint? Why do you want to punish Clint?"

"Well, he has been assisting Stark in his foolery." Loki ground his teeth, "He was his accomplice in….humiliating me."

"Ugh." Pepper sniffed disdainfully, "Ganging up on you? That's horrible."

Score! He had won Pepper's sympathy!

"Well, perhaps we could actually turn Fury's wrath to our advantage."

"How? Could we cause some sort of trouble, but plant it on the two?"

"No, no. The truth would get out at some point." Pepper grinned devilishly, "But we could punish them in a way Fury approved of."

"Oh." Loki was now at a loss.

"You know, I have the perfect plan. Tony and Clint are always getting drunk and stuff, and it gets on my nerves. We could replace their vodka with plain water."

Loki smiled evilly. "That is a brilliant idea, Lady Potts. Or better yet, we could replace it with a foul-tasting liquid!"

Pepper thought for a moment. "We could replace it with pickle juice. It's healthy, so Fury couldn't get mad at us. He would actually be happy we took away their vodka."

"Good plan, Lady Potts. You are a genius."

Pepper blushed. "No, thank you Loki! We make a great team."

"Agreed. I shall proceed with the plan."

Loki smirked as he left the room. Not only had he gained an accomplice in his evil schemes, but there was no way he could fail!

* * *

Steve stretched lazily in bed. Nothing as refreshing as an afternoon nap! He yawned and then swallowed. The next moment, he rolled out of bed and fell on the floor, clawing at his mouth, choking and gasping and gagging.

Why the HELL did his mouth taste like a dirty sock? He shuddered and, still gagging, made his way to the bathroom.

He brushed his teeth several times, but a gross, faintly sour taste remained in his mouth. Grimacing, he went to use the bathroom, and started in surprise.

There was orange liquid in the toilet. He was pretty sure he had flushed the last time he went….and that his pee hadn't been orange.

Frowning, he flushed the toilet. The orange liquid jiggled a little and very slowly began to drain away, breaking up into strange clumps.

"Jello?" Steve said aloud, staring in amazement as the jello drained sluggishly down the toilet.

This was the worst prank ever. He smacked his lips again, wincing at the disgusting taste, and turned back to the sink. That was when he saw, written in shaving cream on the counter top:

"THOR'D AND BUCKY'D"

Steve ground his teeth, but then smiled. They weren't going to be ready for their OWN surprise."

* * *

"The patriotic captain will be STARTLED when he AWAKES!" Thor boomed happily as he and Bucky went up the elevator to the kitchen.

"I really hope JARVIS remembers to send us the footage!" Bucky agreed, giggling.

They entered the kitchen, and made their way to the special cabinet where Thor kept his precious poptarts.

As Bucky opened the cabinet, they were greeted with the most horrible and terrifying sound they had ever heard.

HOOOOOONNKK!

Both jumped back (in very brave and manly ways) about three feet.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Thor bellowed, while Bucky accidently smashed a glass cup.

Bucky looked at the cabinet door and found an airhorn taped inside.

"Ha, Steve." He snorted, "Thinking he was so smart, using an air horn!"

He reached inside the cabinet and grabbed the pop tarts.

_Plink, plink!_

Bucky felt something hit his metal hand and he jerked it back quickly. Then he gasped in horror, dropping the box of pop tarts.

Attached to his arm were….were…the evil bucky balls of death! He squeaked in terror and wildly shook his arm around.

The would not be shaken free!

"Friend Bucky!" Thor asked in astonishment, "What ails thee?"

"Get it off! Get it oooffff!" Bucky squealed, dancing about the kitchen in a wild frenzy and flinging his arm around.

He had a mortal fear of the bucky balls. They were ATTACKING him!

Thor chased after Bucky. "Friend Bucky, come back! Let me assist you in fending off the unseen terror!"

"GET THEM OFF!" Bucky shrieked, panicking.

Thor jumped on Bucky and grappled him the ground, attempting to "shield" him from the invisible assailants.

"You shall FEEL THE WRATH of THOR!" Thor shouted, waving frantically at the air, "DESIST from harming my FRIEND, unseen SCOUNDRELS!"

"No, no, they're right here!" Bucky grunted as he tried to push Thor off him, "They're on my arm! Get them off!"

"Oh, my APOLOGIES, friend Bucky!" Thor hastily rolled off the unfortunate soldier, and squinted at the bucky balls. "Do not FEAR!" he reached out and plucked them from the metal arm.

Bucky sagged in relief. "Thanks."

Thor scowled at the bucky balls and threw them across the room. They hit a window and cracked it. The two pranksters looked guiltily at each other and snuck back to the table with the box of pop tarts.

"We could tell the man of iron that a bird flew into it and caused the damage." Thor said meekly, and Bucky nodded in approval.

Thor reached into the box and pulled out two poptarts. Then he blinked in confusion.

"Why are my tarts of pop wrapped in PLASTIC wrap?"

Bucky frowned quizzically. "I don't know. Maybe Pepper wrapped them like that to….keep them from going stale?"

Thor shrugged and unwrapped his. "To Mission Prank the Good Captain!" he said heartily.

"To Mission Prank Steve!"

They both bit down eagerly into the poptarts. The next moment, both were running around the kitchen, gagging and spitting and clawing at their mouths. Like Steve.

"WHAT IS THIS FOUL TASTE!" Thor roared, "WHO HAS DARED DEFILE MY TARTS OF POP!"

"Eugh!" Bucky screeched, "I thought these tasted good!"

"THEY USED TO TASTE MAGNIFICENT!"

"It tastes like….like parsley and ginger!"

"Ha-ha!" Steve shouted as he walked into the kitchen. "I see you have found my surprise."

Thor and Bucky ran into each other and sat down on the ground, open-mouthed. "WHAT?"

"I knew it! I am so clever!" Steve crowed, overjoyed, "My prank worked!"

"You were the one who taped the airhorn to the cabinet?" Bucky squeaked.

"You planted the evil enemy that assaulted friend Bucky's arm?"

"And what did you do to the pop tarts?"

"YES, what hast thou DONE to my precious nourishment?"

Steve doubled over with laughter. "See? Everyone thinks I'm the boring old man? I'm not! Ha!"

Bucky stared in astonishment.

"Yes, it was me. And the pop tarts were Natasha's idea."

"Lady NATASHA?" Thor's jaw dropped. "But how didst though win her over to they side?"

"Well, I just asked her how to pay you guys back. She's still mad about the hulk incident, you know. She just told me to bake pop tarts that had a disgusting flavor. So I used ginger, parsley, and a hint of turnip."

"Eeww!" Bucky groaned. "Why would you do this to us?"

"Why would I do this to you?" Steve put his hands on his hips. "Why would you put a dirty sock on my mouth and put jello in my toilet?"

Thor and Bucky glanced at each other nervously.

"Thor'd" Thor said sheepishly.

"Bucky'd?" Bucky added.

"Hmph!" Steve snorted, "Well you all just got Steve'd!"

He turned and marched out of the kitchen, leaving the other two to wash the disgusting taste of ginger, parsley and a hint of turnip out of their mouths.

* * *

Loki sniggered as he entered the safe where Tony and Clint kept their liquor. He waved his hand over the entire stash, and the drinks glowed for a moment. Then he cackled and left the room, after wiping the evidence from the security camera which was hidden nearby.

He entered the kitchen and instructed JARVIS to record Tony and Clint drinking. Then he settled down to wait.

In a few moments, the two unsuspecting victims sauntered into the kitchen, each holding a bottle of vodka.

Loki was writhing with anticipation. He was hiding by the couch, where they couldn't see him.

"I still can't believe Loki turned himself into a girl horse and had a little horsey baby." Tony guffawed.

"And Odin rides it!" Clint added.

"Thor wouldn't say if the story was true, but I betcha it is!"

Loki turned as red as his mother's drapes and ground his teeth.

"I don't think Reindeer Games can think of anything to come back with." Tony said confidently, "He's a diva. He's either go big revenge, or no revenge. And Fury will have his head if he tries his full out revenge."

"Well, here's to an awesome prank!" Clint and Tony clinked their glasses.

Loki leaned forward eagerly. They were about to drink, when Clint turned and frowned.

"Hey, is that a crack in the window?"

Tony whirled around. "WHERE?"

"Over there, in the window."

"Sir, Mr. Barnes and Thor have instructed me to tell you that a bird smashed into the glass as it was flying and caused the crack."

Tony and Clint looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Wahaha! That is the dumbest bird ever!" Clint cackled.

"I know! What type of bird would do that?"

Loki rolled his eyes. What immature children they were!

"Anyway," Tony wiped his eyes, "Here's to being awesome and embarrassing Loki!"

"To embarrassing Loki!"

They clinked their classes together again and each took a huge draught. And proceeded to spit it all over the other.

"BLECH!" Tony gagged, "What is this!"

"How LONG have you had this stuff?" Clint shuddered and rushed to the sink and rinsed his mouth out.

"I just got it a few days ago! Oi, that's awful!" He sniffed it. "Pickle juice?"

Clint looked up. "That's what I thought it tasted like."

Tony turned beet red. "No one. Touches. My vodka." He said between his teeth.

Clint looked slightly intimidated. "I agree. No one should touch the liquor. Who do you think did it?"

Tony chewed his lip. "Pepper is the only one who would think of something like that. But how would she know exactly which bottles we were going to take? She couldn't have switched out ALL the vodka with pickle juice!"

"Or did she?"

"LOKI!" both shouted together. "I KNEW IT!"

"Oh, hohoho, he is so going to pay!" Tony cracked his knuckles. "Quick, to my lab! We have to think of a revenge!"

As soon as they left, Loki sat back and laughed until he almost cried (but Loki never cried because he was WAY too manly for that. Obviously. Why would you ever think differently?).

"JARVIS, send me the video recording." He gasped.

He would send it to Director Fury. Maybe then he would have another ally in this war.

* * *

The next day, Loki received a message from Fury.

"I never thought I'd say this, but good work Loki."

* * *

**Okay, that's all for now. But I have been struck with a whole bunch of good prank ideas (for once in my life). Please review with suggestions! Reviews make Thor happy, so you really should review. Just saying. **

**~Grey**


	16. Chapter 15 Choosing Sides

"I'm not saying you were wrong. I'm just saying that's what Fury considers wrong." Clint said, holding up his hands.

Tony's pride had been stung, when Clint suggested they opt for a more covert plan of revenge than the billionaire's full-blown missions.

"And besides, Loki will suspect you if you send him on another bogus mission."

"NO ONE touches my vodka and LIVES!" Tony almost shouted.

Clint suspected his brain was cracking under the strain from lack of alcohol. Secretly, he wondered what would happen if the genius went off the deep end. Perhaps he should try to make it happen someday. Meanwhile though, Tony was a valuable ally in this prank war. And since Loki had Pepper on his side, he would need as much as he could get.

Clint quickly drew up a spreadsheet. "Okay, here's what's going on in the war right now. Team Loki/Pepper—"

"I want my girlfriend back!" Tony bellowed.

"Okay, okay. Yes, yes, Tony. We'll get her back. Please listen. Team Loki/Pepper currently has the upper hand, because we can't have Pepper getting mad at us. And they're probably on Fury's good side because of the vodka. So make it Team Loki/Pepper/Fury. Lopepry. And then there's us, Team Amazing/Hot. Amazehot. We need more allies. If we can get Natasha on our side, that's a huge bonus. She's kinda Fury's favorite child type thing. And then we have Steve battling Bucky and Thor, which is honestly a bit pathetic. I mean really, what can three old men think of? Geez, three stooges attempting to prank each other? "

Tony giggled girlishly. I mean…..very manly-ly. "So what about Banner?"

"We should recruit him. Unless Steve's gotten to him already. But I doubt it. I don't think the three stooges hold any threat, but maybe we should get them on our side."

"Let's focus on getting Nat. She's more useful. Could you settle that? I'll go handle Bruce."

"Deal." Clint nodded and they shook hands. "Lopepry is so going down!"

Tony scowled. "It's just gonna by Lory soon. I want Pep back!"

* * *

Steve was punching the living daylights out of his gym equipment. That was what he usually did when he had a lot on his mind. He had successfully pranked Bucky and Thor back, but he didn't think he could take on both at once when the pranking got real. Perhaps it would be better to make peace now and ally up. And maybe prank Tony instead.

Or….perhaps he could convince the other eight adults living in Stark Tower to actually act like grown ups. He couldn't believe even Pepper had gotten in on this.

Suppose, though. Suppose this got out of hand. Steve's mothering tendencies began to come out. Suppose Bucky got hurt. Suppose anyone got hurt? This was dangerous. Prank wars were dangerous. IT COULD START WORLD WAR 3!

No, Steve had a much better idea. He was going to END the prank war!

* * *

"Please Nat?" Clint followed Natasha around the kitchen on his knees. "Please please please please please please!"

"No, Clint. I told you. I don't want to get involved in your dumb war."

"But Loki's gonna kick our butts!"

"Okay."

"It's gonna hurt!"

"Okay."

"WE'RE SCARED!"

"Okay."

"You're gonna just 'okay' this? Come on Nat, join our side! We used to have vodka. We'll get it back!"

"I can get my own liquor."

"We….have cookies?"

"I hate cookies."

"You're a monster!"

"Tell me something I don't know."

"WAIT NO, you're not a monster! I'm sorry!" Clint chased after Natasha as she stalked from the room.

"I told you, Clint. I'm not joining your idiotic war!"

She left. Clint heaved a sigh. This had not gone well.

* * *

"Brucey you love me, right?"

"Um…"

"Right?"

"That's debatable."

"In a purely platonic way, right?"

"Well…."

"Come on. What's there not to love?"

"Do you want me to answer that?"

"No. But you love me and Clint enough to help us, right?"

"Aha! This is about your dumb prank war. No. No, no no! I'm not joining. You know what happened last time."

"Yeah, that was Loki's fault! Don't you want to get back?"

"You already threw him out a window, though."

"So? That's not good enough for him!"

"Good enough for me."

"Aw, come on Brucey! Clint and I need your brilliant mind to help us!"

"Okay, so suddenly now my mind's brilliant? What about you with your genius-ness? That should be good enough."

"Nooo we need your help! Look, Tasha's gonna be on our side. You want to be on the winning side."

"I'm a pacifist, thanks."

"The neutral side is as bad as the dark side! In Dante's Inferno, the people who didn't choose a side had to run around being chased my wasps while maggots ate the blood that dripped from them for ALL eternity!"

"Holy hell, really?"

"YES IT'S SCARY BRUCEY! DON'T DO IT!"

"Oh my gosh. I'm so scared. No." Bruce said flatly. "I'm not joining your cause."

Tony stuck out his bottom lip. "Fine. The wasps will get you."

* * *

Clint sulked. He had failed! Well, it would be embarrassing if Tony could get Bruce to join and he hadn't been able to snag Natasha. Perhaps he could recruit Thor and Bucky. Yes, Thor would be useful, after all. He knew a bunch of Loki's pet peeves and fears.

He found the two lamesters, (he thought of the name himself! What a clever little eagle scout.) eating pop tarts in the kitchen. Okay, seriously, how come they hadn't turned into pop tarts by this time?

"Hey guys!" he said cheerfully.

"Friend eye of the HAWK!" Thor greeted. "Wouldst thou like a tart of pop?"

"Naw, I'm good. I was wondering….do you wanna help us prank Loki?"

"What for?" Bucky asked shyly.

"Well…who doesn't want to prank the god of mischief?"

Bucky looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. Clint turned to Thor.

"It would be very MIRTHFUL to prank thy BROTHER, right Thor?" he said, trying to do an impression of Thor.

"Are you mocking me, MORTAL?" Thor shouted, making the windows rattle. Bucky jumped three feet in the air.

"Um, no!" Clint hastily backed away, "I was just trying to—er—appeal to your more majestic side!"

This appeased Thor. "Well, I agree it would be most amusing to make a fool of my brother. My one armed companion and I shall join thee in thy quest!"

"Yes!" Clint fist bumped himself, because he could. "You guys are awesome!"

As soon as he left, Bucky giggled at Thor, and Thor chuckled back. "The bird man is a fool!"

"I know!" Bucky snickered, "He fell for it!"

"He and the metal man shall never mock us again!"

Bucky nodded. A few minutes before Clint had entered the room, JARVIS sent Bucky a video recording of Tony and Clint calling them "old men" and "three stooges".

(Bucky and the household AI were good friends now, because that's just how JARVIS was.)

Thor grinned broadly. "This is a most fortunate opportunity. We shall both use the metal man and the bird man to make a fool of my brother, and we shall also learn all their secrets and avenge our fallen names!"

"Double agenting!" Bucky said excitedly, "They think we can't keep up in this prank war. But we CAN!"

At that moment, Natasha walked into the kitchen to fetch an apple. Thor saw his chance and jumped at it.

"Lady NATASHA, you are very skilled in manipulating people, are you not?"

Natasha frowned a bit suspiciously. "I'm okay, yeah. Why?"

"Wouldst thou like a chance to manipulate the man of iron and the eye of the hawk?"

Natasha stopped as she grabbed an apple. "How?"

Thor and Bucky looked at each other excitedly. "Me and Thor are pretending to be Tony and Clint's allies in the prank war. We're really just learning all their secrets so we can get back at them for calling us 'old'!"

"Oh." Natasha frowned. "That's…um…cool?"

"So you wanna help?"

Natasha thought for a moment. This prank war was going to blow up huge, yes. Even Fury wasn't going to prevent it. And poor Bucky and Thor didn't stand a chance against Tony and Clint or Loki and Pepper. Perhaps she could be…*shudder*…nice and help them.

"Sure." She said. "I'll team up with you two."

"REALLY?"

"Yeah."

"We are grateful for thy companionship, Lady Natasha!" Thor boomed, "Our fellowship of three shall not fail!"

* * *

"JARVIS, where can I find sticky notes?" Steve asked. He was holding several sharpies. This was the latest he had ever been up. Eleven o' clock! Squeak! He was just starting his "End the hate! Stop the pranks!" campaign.

"The sticky notes are in the drawer to your left, Captain Rogers."

"Oh, thank you, JARVIS!"

"My pleasure."

Steve hurriedly took out three stacks of sticky notes and began scribbling on them. He worked far into the night. (All the way to twelve o' clock! Way to go, super soldier! That's three hours past your usual bed time!)

The next morning, the others found a lot of sticky notes all over Stark Tower.

"We are all friends!" they read.

"Love one another."

"End the hate!"

"No more pranks!"

"Pranks = someone getting hurt!"

And there were a lot of doodles of stick people with names labeled above them going on picnics and stuff…

"What the actual hell?" Tony said quizzically. "We got another neutral party!"

* * *

**Okay I'm not going to even try to excuse myself for my lack of updating. But as a fair warning, I will be in a debate camp for the rest of this week, and then I'll be in Texas for another week to drop my sis off at college. *tears* So yeah...no updates for a very long time. Sorry! I promise I haven't forgotten you lovely peoples. **

**~Grey**


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